IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific samples to support your answer

#people #clothes #influence #samples #support
Many individuals act differently
according to
 what they wear.
In other words
, various
clothes
 can influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
way
people
 behave. I completely agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement as
people
 show behavioural changes
according to
 what they wear. It is stated that different
clothes
 have
influence
Change the verb form
influenced
show examples
 the
way
people
 behave.
This
 is mainly because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many dress to impress. As they believe that they need to look better to do better. It is almost like
masking-up
Correct your spelling
masking up
show examples
 for the day.
Thus
, dressing up is an important
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
 task for them.
For example
, Office wear is a must for any professional working in the cooperative field.
This
 makes them act and behave more professionally toward each other.
Moreover
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 occasions
such
 as parties,
vacations
Correct word choice
and vacations
show examples
,
people
 choose to wear more relaxed
clothes
 in order to feel more relaxed.
This
 allows them to enjoy more and party harder. Another fact is,
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 tend to judge the
way
 one individual is dressed up. Some say the rich have 'the old money' fashion sense, which gains more attention and respect.
For
this
 reason alone, it has become a trending fashion.
To conclude
, I completely agree with the statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 different
clothes
influencing
Wrong verb form
influence
show examples
 the
way
people
 behave.
As many
Correct word choice
Many
show examples
 may dress to get attention and respect, some
according to
 their job and some to feel relaxed.
Submitted by lithmakumaradasa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In your introduction, you clearly state your position, which is good. However, you can make it stronger by providing a brief overview of the main points you'll discuss.
coherence
Your ideas are presented logically, but there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'can influence on' should be 'can influence.'
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from providing more specific examples and developing them further to strengthen your argument. For instance, providing a scenario with more details about 'Office wear' and its impact on professional behavior would help.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, but they could be more engaging and offer a stronger summary of your main points.
coherence
Work on using more transitions and connective phrases to make your essay more cohesive. Phrases like 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' 'In conclusion,' would help to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You clearly state your position, and this drives your essay well.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as dressing professionally and more relaxed clothing, are relevant and support your points effectively.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a nice frame to the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: