Television advertising is aimed at children nowadays. Should television advertising for children be controlled?

In
this
day and age,
children
usually spend their leisure time watching TV and a number of
advertisements
are now towards them, so it is claimed that these kinds of ads should be restricted. I definitely support
this
suggestion. It is indisputable that these
advertisements
do bring some merits as they propagate market information to the kids and
thus
the whole family. Nowadays some of the industries in food and drinks are monopolized by several big corporations. It is stiff for
products
which have the same or even better quality than the counterparts of monopolistic firms to obtain public attention, and advertising the lesser-known
products
on TV could augment their popularity and boost sales.
In addition
,
children
are actually more curious and concerned about the latest items like smartwatches and tend to try them,
while
adults are more likely to ignore them. Posting the corresponding information of the newest
products
to the young can increase the popularity of
products
dramatically, contributing to economic growth.
However
, on no account can we ignore the drawbacks of
this
behaviour, especially for kids. As in most commercials, firms often exaggerate the benefits of
such
products
while
whitewashing the downsides, which means one has to search for additional information on the Internet to have an objective view of
such
objects and
thus
assess the necessity of purchasing them.
On the other hand
, not having a well-developed mind and awareness of double-checking, kids may just be blown away by the words in those misleading
advertisements
. Combining the fact that most
children
gain their smartphones and money at a very young age, they may just buy those unnecessary things, leading to various problems like family arguments. In a nutshell, though advertising
products
to
children
can incentivize and boost the economy, there should still be some restrictions to make sure the
advertisements
are objective and reliable.
Submitted by christianwang on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively responds to the prompt, offering clear arguments for why television advertising aimed at children should be controlled. However, include more specific examples to make your argument stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Improve the linking of arguments and ideas within paragraphs. While the ideas are logically presented, ensuring smoother transitions will enhance the readability. For example, the sentence starting with 'It is indisputable that these advertisements' can be better connected with the previous one.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, making it clear what your stance is and what the essay will discuss.
logical structure
You have a logical structure and flow to your essay. The points are well-organized and lead the reader through your argument naturally.
supported main points
You support your main points with relevant ideas and explanations, making your argument convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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