IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below compare Australian government investments in various energy sectors and the share of electricity generated by those energies in 2010.

The chart below compare Australian government investments in various energy sectors and the share of electricity generated by those energies in 2010.
The pie charts show how the government of Australia invested in different sources of
electricity
Use synonyms
 and the distribution of the power realised in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Wind
Use synonyms
 was the most expended on even though it generated so little followed by Nuclear as
second
Use synonyms
 most invested on,
however
Linking Words
, so much of
electricity
Use synonyms
 was realised from Coal and Natural
gas
Use synonyms
 came
second
Use synonyms
. In terms of funding, just above a fifth was expended on nuclear, coal and natural
gas
Use synonyms
 were below 10% each,
however
Linking Words
, almost 50% of power realised was from coal,
whereas
Linking Words
 natural
gas
Use synonyms
 brought about 27%, meanwhile, nuclear which was the
second
Use synonyms
 most invested on generated 22% of total
electricity
Use synonyms
. Government invested 42% in
wind
Use synonyms
 to produce
electricity
Use synonyms
, 8% in solar and 13% in other forms of power-generating units.
However
Linking Words
,
wind
Use synonyms
 and solar bring about 2% and 1% of
electricity
Use synonyms
 respectively. Meanwhile, other means did not generate anything. To compare,
wind
Use synonyms
 which was the most invested in generated
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 small fraction of
overall
Linking Words
 power why natural
gas
Use synonyms
 which had the lowest funding became the
second
Use synonyms
 most produced
electricity
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 coal was the fourth invested upon generated the most energy compared to others.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, wind, second, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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