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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

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In the recent business world, the majority of the C-level
positions
 are occupied by males despite the high number of female workers.
Therefore
, some people contend with the notion that the allocation of these
positions
 should be in alignment with a predefined percentage between two genders.
Although
 in many rich countries, the value of female employees is impeccable,
however
, it is my contention that appointing people
according to
 their
gender
 should not be rationalized among companies as it will create
further
 complications. First and foremost, imagining a world without females is impossible and yet, some of them hold high-level
positions
 in both the government and businesses, making radical decisions that might change the world's tale.
Nonetheless
, statistically, the amount of males who have chief
positions
 is drastically higher in comparison with females. I think, unlike
gender
 equality, individuals should solely be appointed based on their performance, professionalism and their contributions to an organization. To illustrate
this
 point, exerting a law on companies to equally divide their senior
positions
according to
gender
 can deteriorate their success.
Consequently
, less talented women will get the leading
positions
whereas
 other men will have to accept the defeat against
this
 cult.
Moreover
, another salient reason why the
gender
-based occupation method might be a concern is that women are infamous for performing erratically under stress or when they get challenged especially at the leader level
positions
. Undoubtedly, making a misguided decision can lead to catastrophic consequences from a business perspective.
For example
, promoting individuals solely based on
gender
 may ultimately result in an incompetent person assuming a leadership role within a company. Following the failed leadership at the head, significant fissures will begin to emerge in the foundation of the business,
thus
, resulting in irretrievable revenue and capital losses. In conclusion,
while
 some companies try to push the
gender
-equality agenda by appointing more females to executive levels, I believe,
this
 will only diminish company earnings.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
Consider providing a balanced view throughout your essay by addressing both sides of the argument equally. While it's acceptable to lean towards one side in your conclusion, failing to discuss alternative perspectives can limit the effectiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, ensure there is clear and logical organization to your ideas. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Avoid overusing them or making awkward connections that could confuse the reader.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates an ability to apply your reasoning to real-world scenarios. Avoid generic statements without concrete evidence.
task achievement
Avoid making broad generalizations that might seem prejudicial or unsupported by evidence. For example, the claim about women performing erratically under stress could be viewed as an unsupported stereotype.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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