Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

The computer is becoming more and more popular in modern life. There are some
people
who believe that these technological devices bring more benefits for young
people
,
while
others disagree and think it will lead to adverse ramifications. In my opinion, I agree that an increase in
technology
is beneficial to scholars for the reasons below.
It is clear that
devices that
accessed
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
the
internet
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
provided students
to get
Verb problem
with
show examples
more information than ever before.
Moreover
, learners will be able to research and download data from numerous sources
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
internet
. Especially, scholars may have a chance to approach advanced learning methods like studying online,
instead
of going to school.
For example
, Duolingo is brand new in providing online learning products for everyone and as long as having an
internet
-connected device, students can learn everywhere and every time.
Therefore
,
technology
is a worthwhile tool for education.
On the other hand
, some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that the computer is leading to negative consequences
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
technology
deprives
people
of real human
interaction
. Human
interaction
teaches
people
valuable skills
such
as discourse,
debate
Correct word choice
and debate
show examples
. Despite
this
, human
interaction
is still possible to learn through the
internet
.
For instance
, Facebook makes it possible for
people
to interact in ways that were never before possible.
Technology
breaks the geographical barriers and connects users to one another. In conclusion,
while
the benefits of
technology
, particularly the
internet
, allow scholars can break the limit of knowledge from school and tap into limitless sources of information, some still feel that
people
should be wary of lacking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interaction
on the
internet
.
However
, as long as we are careful to keep in mind the importance of human
interaction
in education, learning through
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
still
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
students more positive things.
Submitted by nguyentungchi345 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, and that all sentences within the paragraph support this main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases and connectors to ensure a seamless flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, focusing on different aspects of the argument for a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully developed and that counterarguments are addressed adequately.
structure
Your essay has a clear and well-defined structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows an attempt to address the task comprehensively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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