In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Do you agree or disagree?
Due to
the development in
medical industries, life expectancy is getting longer and longer. Some see Change preposition
of
this
as negative
phenomenon, creating problems to govern, Add an article
a negative
while
others admit the benefits of accepting the elder generation. This
essay completely agrees with the latter point because their contribution and the insightful lessons they give to society is
unquestionable.
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
First,
it is undeniable that older people are also
participating as workers, and they contribute to society just as younger generations do. The improvement in health services resulted in the
longer years for the employees to work. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, in Japan, the retirement age for workers in public institutions was 55, decades ago, while
the earliest to retire is 61 nowadays. Moreover
, many people that are aged than
70 are still continuing to participate in the industries they used to workChange preposition
apply
.
Change preposition
in.
This
shows that older generations should be considered as
solid members of the community since they contribute by using Change preposition
apply
their
techniques or knowledge they earned in their youth.
Adding to that point, the lessons the senior generation can provide us Change the word
the
is
invaluable in multiple means. Especially in Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
developed countries, the acknowledgement Correct article usage
apply
for
the war is pale compared to a century ago. Elders’ memory of their suffering days must be remembered in any Change preposition
of
communities
to aim for their peace and keep their history. Fix the agreement mistake
community
For example
, many Vietnamese children learn from their grandparents about the war and post-war period as their class work. This
experience led the children to be fully aware of the risk of starting the war. Thus
, older generations' experiences and their lessons are irreplaceable in order to maintain peaceful lives.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement that seniors benefit society considering
their contribution as workers and their educational memories.Change preposition
by considering
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, with main points well-supported. However, some minor grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing hinder the flow. Refining these points could make your essay even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. While the main points are logically structured, some transitions could be more fluid to enhance readability.
task achievement
Ensure every argument is comprehensive and elaborated. While you provided good examples, diving deeper into how these examples directly relate to the argument can make them more impactful.
coherence cohesion
Great job presenting a well-rounded argument. Your essay effectively balances points for both sides before strongly agreeing with one.
task achievement
Excellent use of relevant and specific examples, like the situation in Japan and the wartime experiences in Vietnam, which add depth to your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?