IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#process #sugar #cane
The diagram illustrates the stages
how
Change preposition
of how
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 the
sugar
 was produced by using
sugar
 cane.
Overall
, the stages of making
sugar
 from
sugar
 cane
beginned
Correct your spelling
begin
 with growth and harvest and
ends
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end
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 with producing edible candy form. The cropping up of complete
sugar
 cane takes around 12-18 months which is
then
 harvested with the help of farmers and cutting trackters.
Then
,
tranferred
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transferred
 into
crushing
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a crushing
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 machine as
whole
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a whole
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 stem to convert
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it as
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as
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into
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 juice.
Next,
it will purify
essence
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the essence
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 liquid by using the
limostone
Correct your spelling
limestone
 filter.
Furthermore
, it undergoes
heating
Correct article usage
a heating
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 process until the juice becomes syrup. Again, the centrifuge splits the
sugar
 crystals from
syrup
Add an article
the syrup
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.
Finally
, it
modified
Add a missing verb
is modified
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 as
sugar
 after drying and cooling.
Submitted by kiruthikakannan.pid on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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