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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

Nowadays, in a few nations around the world, the trend of celebrating traditional
festivals
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 is decreasing day by day. There are several reasons behind
this
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 issue, and possible steps to solve or minimize
this
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 problem are suggested in the following paragraphs. One of the most plausible reasons for the decline in cultural events or celebrations is hectic schedules. These days, most people are busy with their daily routines and have an increased burden to earn their livelihood
due to
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 rising inflation and the cost of living. They have to work harder to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their daily needs;
that is
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 why they do not consider
festivals
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 as important as in the past.
As a result
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, traditional rituals are being lost.
Furthermore
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, people are becoming more isolated
due to
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 advancements in technology. When someone has leisure time, they prefer to spend it in their own space
instead
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 of socializing with others.
Consequently
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, no one takes the initiative to organize activities that promote local
festivals
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 or events.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be addressed by taking some important measures.
Firstly
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, governments or local authorities should regularly host events to raise awareness among younger generations about their culture. They can
also
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 promote the importance of these
festivals
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 through online campaigns or advertisements.
Additionally
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, people should maintain a balance between their professional and social lives.
This
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 way, they can manage their time to celebrate these activities and uphold their rituals with pride.
For example
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, a public holiday should be declared in advance to celebrate local values, so that nobody struggles to participate in these celebrations with their family and communities. In conclusion,
although
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 there are several reasons behind
vanishing
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the vanishing
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 traditions and beliefs in many parts of the world, governments and individuals can take steps to prevent the fading of these important customs.

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. Linking sentences can help improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Check the length of your sentences. Shorter sentences can be clearer and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You successfully identify both the problems and the solutions regarding the disappearing festivals.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
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