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Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
One of the widely spread issues today is that in some countries
students
 stay
together with
 their family,
while
 others need to study far away from their
parents
. From my perspective, living separately from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
show examples
 at university has much more advantages than cons. First of all, living without
parents
 will develop the skills of individuality, starting with domestic tasks and finishing with the ability to solve complex problems. The main reason here is that, in
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 mom will not cook and wash your clothes and dad will not repair your broken car.
Moreover
,
while
 living without
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 young
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 will make new acquaintances and new friends and just get mature because new people will teach different rules of daily life, which were unknown in childhood. The research of
students
 from Nazarbayev University concluded that youngsters who studied away from their hometown found
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work and made a family earlier in comparison to
students
 who studied in their native city.
On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages, which could affect the youngster seriously and change
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 life fully. Often
students
 go to study
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 another city, even abroad and at
this
 moment it is vital to
beware
Correct your spelling
be aware
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 illegal situations and habits or just
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not do silly actions.
The young
Correct article usage
Young
show examples
students
 from
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
 is the main target for criminals, so it is very important for
parents
 to be aware
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
 behaviour and mental health. Concluding and
mentioning
Verb problem
taking
show examples
 into account all the ideas, I can deduce that there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of pros of studying in another city despite all the risks, which are
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
show examples
 because of the power of laws nowadays. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all
students
 will take only profit and new experience by studying away.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
The essay presents relevant specific examples, adding depth to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively ties together the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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