Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and weath than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people, Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #weath #achievements #sets #people

There is a widely held view among the population that these days, well-known people have gained more popularity for their beauty and affluence rather than their

efforts

While

I agree that

this

negatively affects youngsters, I strongly believe that there are still more celebrities who shine by their talents and attempts. On the one hand, it is noticeable that more and more individuals are becoming popular

due to

their charm and sums of money, which sets a bad example for youths. In fact, technology significantly contributes to

this

phenomenon, helping to spread their reputation to viewers through certain media,

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

television, or the Internet.

This

results in negative consequences for children, who are not fully aware of good or bad things.

As a result

, they tend toward mimicking or copying, leading to more and more controversial issues.

For example

, these days, girls who are pretty are recorded

while

dancing or singing, and

then

posted on Facebook or TikTok, attracting thousands of viewers, which makes them famous within a short time.

Therefore

, it would lead children to think wrongly that beauty is a key marker to make someone well-known.

On the other hand

, there are still more good examples for millennials to follow. Those who make great

efforts

to be skilful in any area like

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

singing, dancing, or composing, become influenced

although

they are not gorgeous and affluent. People are inspired by their talents and endeavours, thereby positively influencing youngsters.

For instance

, Cristiano Ronaldo, who is famous because of his competence in football, was born into a low-income family and raised by a single mom. Through his

efforts

, he pushes through the ranks and shines, which inspires a lot of admirers globally. Without trying the best, he would be just an ordinary person. In conclusion,I would side with those who think that gorgeousness and luxury can make people become famous, leading to several negative impacts on youths,

whereas

, I

also

believe that many celebrities are noticed by their

efforts

Submitted by hongmien.n on Sat Jun 22 2024

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grammar

Ensure to proofread your essay to catch minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'trying the best' which should be 'trying his best.' Additionally, remove unnecessary commas to enhance readability. For instance, 'certain media, such as, television, or the Internet,' should simply be 'certain media, such as television or the Internet.'

examples

Enhance your examples by making them more specific and linked directly to your main points. This will help to further support your argument and provide a richer context. For instance, expand on how social media influencers specifically impact youth behavior and aspirations.

structure

Improve transitions between sentences and ideas to ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next. Phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'For instance' are good, but could be varied for more effective cohesion.

task achievement

You have clearly addressed both sides of the argument, providing a well-rounded response to the task.

structure

The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting point and a comprehensive closing summary of your points.

examples

Your examples, such as the mention of Cristiano Ronaldo, add credibility and relevance to your arguments.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and weath than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people, Do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree

School children are becoming far too dependent on computers and this is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are oving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

some people believe the government should spend money building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others however think that building more and wider roads is a better way to reduce the traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Research shows that global warming is caused by human activity. What are the possible effects of climate change and what can governments and individuals do to reduce these?