Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #lives #celebrities #media

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Privacy, which is assumed as an indispensable part of famous

people

’s

lives

, is said to be concealed from ordinary

people

. In

this

essay, why I totally agree with the very perspective will be addressed.

Firstly

, celebrities are considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the most

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

individuals among juveniles.

For instance

, Cristiano Ronaldo is the best football player among others and because of his population,

people

follow him and he is a role model for plenty of adolescents. To illustrate, if he gets used to purchasing costly fortune clothes and showcases them in

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

people

specifically teenagers will be stimulated to buy them too. The more extravagant will be popular, the worse effects will have on

people

As a result

, not only does

this

show have negative effects on the financial situation of ordinary

people

, but

also

leads to

making

Verb problem

apply

show examples

mental problems because they never can fulfil their desires and always want more.

Secondly

, well-known

people

have always been endangered. To clarify, if celebrities always show their houses or give abundant details about their

lives

on social media, their enemies can find them and make some perils for them.

For example

, many years ago, one of the best actors in our country got used to

illustrate

Wrong verb form

illustrating

show examples

her house and her possessions on social media. One night the thieves found her house and not only they

stole

Wrong verb form

steal

show examples

her precious things

such

as gold and lots of money, but

also

unfortunately they killed her.

Therefore

, the more famous

people

share their private

lives

with others, the more hazardous phenomena will happen. In conclusion, thanks to the disadvantages

people

specifically juveniles, and some perils many celebrities may face, releasing the details about their

lives

is not necessary.

Submitted by Golden Goals on Sat Jun 22 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to make the flow of ideas more seamless.

task achievement

For a stronger task response, elaborate more on each point. Explain not just the negative impacts but also consider if there are any potential benefits or counterarguments to present a balanced view.

task achievement

Try to refine the language used for stating points. Simplify sentence structures where necessary to make the ideas clearer and more comprehensible.

conclusion present

The essay’s conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, providing a clear stance on the issue discussed.

relevant specific examples

The essay includes relevant and specific examples to support the points made, especially in the second body paragraph about dangers faced by celebrities.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Invasion of privacy
Media scrutiny
Public persona
Personal autonomy
Sensationalism
Paparazzi
Tabloid journalism
Right to privacy
Mental well-being
Public interest
Ethical journalism
Celebrity culture
Gossip columns

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With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this cause for society and the family?

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