IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people,

#people
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A group of individuals present a view that youngsters should save
money
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 for their
future
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that they should live in the present without worrying about the years to come. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 justifiably argue that saving
money
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 is of great importance for everyone, especially the young generation. To elaborate, the main purpose of most
people
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of
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apply
show examples
going to work is to earn enough
money
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 not only for their today but
also
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 for their
future
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.
Money
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 is an integral part of our lives and plays a critical role in young
people
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’s lives. To
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a greater
show examples
 extent, every aspect of our lives is affected by
money
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 from buying food, a house, or a car to preparing our family with appropriate educational or healthcare facilities. The more
money
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 you have, the more convenient
life
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 you could have.
Moreover
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, sometimes unexpected situations may happen in our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 that more
money
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 is needed to spend than our monthly income.
Therefore
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, it is reasonable to put some amount of
money
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 aside for unexpected situations.
Last
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 but not least the young generation needs more
money
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 compared to the elderly to build their
life
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,
for instance
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,
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy a home or a car, or even hold a wedding party. So saving
money
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 shows its greater importance in these ages.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that all
people
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 should live in the present time and just enjoy the moment. They insist that no one knows what the
future
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 holds so it is not worth
to
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apply
show examples
ruining our today because of an unknown
future
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.
However
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, I do not find it convincing as the great sense of relief that we can get from saving
money
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 guarantees our today’s happiness.
For example
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, if my memory serves me well, it was about a couple of years ago that a serious problem
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happened to
money
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 and I needed some
money
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 to tackle my problem, at that time I did not have enough
money
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 because I did not even think about saving
money
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 for my
future
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, so I struggled a lot to prepare enough
money
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 and solve my problem. But If I had saved at least a little amount of
money
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 for rainy days, I would not have gotten into the trouble. To summarize,
while
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people
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 may vary in their opinions about saving
money
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, I think that nothing is wiser than saving
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of
money
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 for purchasing necessary items for your everyday
life
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 and
also
Linking Words
 for unpredicted situations in the
future
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.
Moreover
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, a great peace of mind from saving enough
money
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 could bring a lot of joy and comfort into your present
life
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.
Submitted by zshahhosein on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that all your examples are relevant and clear. You might consider revising sentences for clarity and precision to strengthen your arguments.
supported main points
Although your essay is well-organized, review your paragraphs to ensure there is smooth transitioning and logical consistency between sentences within each paragraph.
complete response
You have clearly stated your opinion and supported it with relevant points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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