IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the samepark today.

#plans #show #park #first #samepark
The first picture displays the original layout of Grange
Park
 in 1920, and the second map illustrates the current layout. As can be seen, Grange
Park
 has undergone significant changes, including the introduction of various customer-facing facilities
such
 as a café, play area, and an Amphitheatre. Looking at the information in more detail, in 1920, the layout of Grange
Park
 was simple. Upon entering the
park
, there was a fountain in the centre.
Moreover
, the Glasshouse was on the right, and the Rose Garden was on the left.
Initially
, seating sections were positioned around the
park
. Moving on to the second map, compared to 1920, the fountain has been replaced with a Rose Garden area, which surrounds many seating areas.
Additionally
, the pond has been transformed into a play area for children, with a café alongside it. Other significant changes include the replacement of the stage with a new Amphitheatre for concerts, and the glasshouse has been turned into a water feature.
Furthermore
, a new underground car
park
 has been constructed near the entrance.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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vocabulary
Make sure to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
conclusion
Consider providing a clearer concluding statement to summarize the changes effectively.
organization
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs that separate different points effectively.
task response
The response covers all the key changes and developments in the park between 1920 and today.
examples
Examples provided, such as the transformation of the fountain and the addition of facilities like the café and play area, are relevant and specific.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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