IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many things that used to be done in home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

#home #hands #machines #development
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In an era marked by rapid technological advancements, our lives have completely transformed.
Machines
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 have a significant influence in our lives, and help us in doing most of our chores at home. Whether it is a positive influence or not, remains a contentious topic,
however
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, I strongly believe
advantages
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the advantages
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 surpass the disadvantages.
This
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 essay aims to substantiate
this
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 assertion. Technology has made our lives very convenient. Nowadays, we have
machines
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such
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 as dishwashers, and washing
machines
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 that do the work on their own by a simple click of a button, which earlier used to take up hours of our day.
This
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 free
time
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 can be used to increase productivity or to do some leisure activities.
For instance
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, before dishwashers were popular, after dinner one person
of
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in
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 the family had to go and do the dishes,
however
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, nowadays, the utensils can be just put in the dishwasher, and the whole family can spend some quality
time
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 together.
Moreover
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, since they are
machines
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, there is no scope for human error. In a recent study, a room cleaned by a vacuum machine and
human
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a human
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 were compared, the vacuum machine learned the entire map of the house by itself
,
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apply
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 and cleaned it better than the human.
Nevertheless
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, it does have some drawbacks. It takes away the human touch from certain activities.
For instance
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, in earlier times, parents used to wake their kids up for school, which gave them some bonding
time
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.
However
Linking Words
, in recent times, products like Google Alexa have taken over
this
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 role.
Nonetheless
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, all things considered, I believe that the advantages of technological influence are more than the disadvantages because even though it takes away some quality
time
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 from our daily activities, it compensates for that by freeing up
time
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 by helping us
in completing
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complete
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 our daily chores with increased efficacy.
Submitted by khushichhillar on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and you have a clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points by adding a few more relevant and specific examples. This will help in making your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt effectively and provided a clear stance on the topic, which is well-supported by relevant reasons.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a logical structure and coherent progression of ideas, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing the key points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Manual labor
  • Displacement
  • Homemaking skills
  • Technological advancements
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Resource depletion
  • Energy efficiency
  • Social dynamics
  • Operational understanding
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