Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
A huge number of
people
reckon that social media have
a negative impact on our Correct subject-verb agreement
has
society
. This
essay also
agrees with this
due to
the fact that we are becoming more and more dependent on sites like Facebook or Instagram.
The primary reason is connected with the idea that it is dangerous for health use
gadgets on a daily basis, especially for Fix the infinitive
to use
eyes
. Correct article usage
the eyes
Also
, it can be harmful for people
who spend a lot of time by
searching for interesting information or chatting with Change preposition
apply
people
via social media. For instance
, currently, numerous people
suffer from eye related
diseases Add a hyphen
eye-related
such
as astigmatism, cataracts, dry eye and
etc. What is more, they can not notice that their vision has deteriorated and they have to go to the hospital for treatment.
The second reason is related to the fact that social networks have a profound impact on Correct word choice
apply
people
. Children who use platforms such
as Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn
can be addicted Correct word choice
and LinkedIn
by
them. In the past children interacted and spent a lot of time with their families, and Change preposition
to
also
went for a walk and played toys with friends. However
, in the
Correct article usage
apply
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
society
, they prefer spend
time Fix the infinitive
to spend
by
chatting via social networks 24/7. Change preposition
apply
Also
, they only
interested in posting numerous photos and videos Add a missing verb
are only
in
Change preposition
on
the
Instagram Correct article usage
apply
instead
of studying or read
Wrong verb form
reading
news
.
In conclusion, I consider social networking sites to be dangerous for our Add an article
the news
society
due to
the fact that they have a negative influence on people
. And I believe that our society
are
supposed to stop using them on a regular basis.Change the verb form
is
Submitted by sofina.elena2014 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied transitions between paragraphs and ideas to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, provide more detailed explanations or examples to fully illustrate your points. For instance, you could elaborate more on how exactly children's interactions have changed due to social networking.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with examples and explanations, making the argument convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?