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Band 7

In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?

#people #internet #gap #world #interaction
Today,
people
 can easily connect with each other through the
internet
. Many believe that it helps increase the interaction between
people
 by providing easier and more accessible
ways
 to communicate, and I fully agree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will elaborate on the reasons supporting my opinion and provide several examples. First of all, communication applications
such
 as Line and WhatsApp offer new and convenient
ways
 to stay in touch. Through these applications, distance is no longer an issue, allowing
people
 to communicate instantly with just a few clicks.
Moreover
, social media platforms like Instagram provide various
ways
 to share life updates. Users can easily share moments from their daily lives through posts and stories, enabling others to keep track of what’s happening without direct conversation.
In addition
, features
such
 as live streaming have become popular, especially among celebrities, who use them to connect with their fans. Live streams allow fans to experience a sense of closeness with their beloved artist,
while
also
 providing an easy and interactive platform for celebrities to engage with their audiences. Another key feature is video calling, which helps
people
 separated by distance catch up in
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
. Without the
internet
, all of these forms of connection would not be possible. In conclusion, the
internet
 has significantly increased social interaction by providing convenient
ways
 for
people
 to connect worldwide.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with
this
 statement, as the ease and variety of communication through social platforms clearly demonstrate how the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 enhances connectivity among
people
.
Submitted by bellchatpavee on

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relevant specific examples
While the essay is clear and well-structured, you could enhance the depth of your examples. Try to include more specific instances or studies to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to your main argument. While the paragraphs are cohesive, make sure to link all ideas back to the central thesis for maximum impact.
complete response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing the issue thoroughly.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with each paragraph following naturally from the introduction and leading to a coherent conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay is easy to follow and ideas are presented clearly, which enhances reader comprehension.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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