Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is widely argued that the personal lives of the public
people
should not be invaded by the paparazzi. I firmly agree with this
assertion due to
the fact that privacy
is considered a fundamental right of every individual and the detrimental effects on celebrities' mental health
.
A significant factor in supporting the privacy
of popstars is to show some respect towards the basic personal autonomy of every person, including famous people
. This
is because every human deserves to enjoy the same privacy
rights as any other person, regardless of their public status, political status, or financial status. Even if the published such
data is a tiny piece of information, Correct quantifier usage
apply
such
as a restaurant they went to, for the pupose
of Correct your spelling
purpose
restaurant's
advertisement. Correct article usage
the restaurant's
Consequently
, without genuine consents
given by the information's owners, any data resulting from an invasion of Fix the agreement mistake
consent
privacy
should not be published candidly.
Furthermore
, excessive media scrutiny can create adverse effects on the
public figures' psychological Correct article usage
apply
health
. Although
some well-known people
may expect a certain loss of privacy
, especially the sensationalism of their private relationships, some may still face stress and anxiety. For instance
, writing personal data of
an actress Change preposition
about
on
gossip columns or tabloid journalism may lead her to face criticism from the public. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, private lives
interventions of the public Fix the agreement mistake
life
people
shall not be done to protect the mental health
of celebrities.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that the privacy
of popular people
should not be violated because the basic human right of everyone should be equally respected and to prevent the occurrence of mental health
problems, especially internal tensions among celebrities.Submitted by kaofangsuknual on
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression between paragraphs. While each paragraph addresses a distinct point, ensure they flow smoothly to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
Be sure to provide specific examples to support your points more effectively. Illustrative examples can help to clarify and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Watch for small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Proofreading your work can help catch issues like "public people" which should be "public figures" or "celebrities."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that effectively restates your position and main arguments.
task achievement
Your central arguments are clear and the main points are generally well-supported.
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