Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?
Obesity
is a major problem in many countries which usually lead
to dangerous diseases, Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
such
as heart attack and hypertension. Even though most of the obesity
cases happened to adult
, the number of Fix the agreement mistake
adults
children
who experience obesity
is increasing across nations. This
essay will discuss the potential causes of this
problem and propose solutions to overcome it.
Juniors in many countries experience obesity
due to
two main causes, the lack of awareness on
Change preposition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
obesity
and unhealthy foods & beverages served to them. First,
parents
, who are children
's first teacher
, do not educate their Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
child
about healthy Fix the agreement mistake
children
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
for
Correct word choice
so
them
to avoid Correct pronoun usage
they
obesity
. Obesity
topics, which are very crucial to all ages, only
socialized to adults. Add a missing verb
are only
For example
in Indonesia, children
are told by their parents
to consume a lot of foods for them to grow bigger. On the other hand
, adolescent
love junk foods and candies, which are not healthy Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
due to
the high content of sugar in it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
For instance
, ready-to-consume beverages, which sold
using Add a missing verb
are sold
booth
around the school, probably have more than 50% sugar in Fix the agreement mistake
booths
its
ingredients.
Involvement from multiple parties, Correct pronoun usage
their
such
as parents
, teachers, and food
& beverage producers, are
important to solve Change the verb form
is
this
issue. As a first step, socializations pertaining obesity
and its impact Change preposition
to obesity
to
childhood need to be conducted more regularly. Change preposition
on
For example
, obesity
socializations
with game Fix the agreement mistake
socialization
theme
and rewards if they can maintain a healthy lifestyle, which will attract Fix the agreement mistake
themes
adolescent
, can be facilitated by Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
parents
and teachers in their schools. Furthermore
, it is encouraged for fast
Add an article
a fast
food
manufacturer to perform thorough research & development activities in order to improve the healthiness of their products. Although
the investments will be huge at the beginning, it
will help Correct pronoun usage
they
children
to have better
quality of life in the future. Add an article
a better
For example
, food
producers can subtitute
sugar with other more healthy ingredients, Correct your spelling
substitute
such
as natural fruit extracts, without changing the taste of their products.
In conclusion, the main reasons childhood obesity
happened
in many countries are Wrong verb form
happens
due to
the lack of obesity
awareness provided to juniors and unhealthy ingredients that added
to their daily Add a missing verb
are added
consumptions
. To overcome Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
this
issue, more socializations
related to Fix the agreement mistake
socialization
obesity
for children
are
required, followed by the improvement of their Correct subject-verb agreement
is
consumptions
that could be done through research and development by Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
food
manufacturers.Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on
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General
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and improve syntax to enhance readability. Additionally, consider elaborating further on the solutions and their potential impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly distinguished and developed thoroughly to enhance cohesion.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete and well-rounded response to the prompt, addressing both causes and solutions effectively.
Task Achievement
The points are supported with relevant examples, making the argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, making it easy to follow the writer's train of thought.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, creating a cohesive piece.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...