IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Increasing the price is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The importance of a
price
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 rise in transportation fees which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. From my point of view, it is essential to raise the costs of using
vehicles
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due to
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 the reduction of air pollution and encouragement of using other ways of transport. 
To begin
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 with, if the costs of private
cars
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 grow, people will be less likely to
use
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cars
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 as normal traffic tools.
Thus
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, the carbon emission from the multitude of
cars
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 will
then
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 decrease. Research shows that transportation is the fourth most polluting industry in the world. It accounts for around 5% of the global carbon dioxide emission.
Although
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 the carbon emission issue includes a lot of different aspects, the environment will improve if we start to drive less.  Apart from reducing pollution, higher prices in the usage of
vehicles
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 can force people to
use
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 more public transportation. In
this
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 day and age, the cost of public transport is quite low.
For instance
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, if we travel by MTR in Hong Kong, the ticket fee is usually below $20 which is a one-time fee.
However
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, driving
cars
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 is more expensive nowadays. If the government increases the
price
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 of using private
vehicles
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, many citizens may not be able to afford the high
price
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.
As a result
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, they will
use
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 other transports.
In addition
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, they will even try to choose walking
instead
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 of using the bus or MTR.  In conclusion, I firmly think that we should increase the
price
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 of using private
cars
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 because it can diminish the negative impact on the environment and change the mindset of the public that we have to
use
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 private
vehicles
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. As long as we do that, our Earth will become more sustainable.

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Task Achievement
Ensure examples are specific and directly support your argument. While general data about pollution was used, integrating specific studies or statistical data could strengthen your examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structure and use a range of linking words to improve flow and cohesion. Your essay has a good structure, but more sophisticated connectors could enhance clarity and coherence.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs further by discussing the potential challenges and how they could be addressed. This would provide a more balanced view and deeper analysis of the topic.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have a clear thesis statement and appropriate conclusion, which effectively encapsulate your view and summary of the argument.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintains a coherent structure with logical progression of ideas throughout.
Supported Main Points
You use relevant examples to support your points, such as the comparison of costs between MTR and private vehicle use in Hong Kong.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic deterrent
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • sustainable
  • disproportionately
  • mobility
  • urban planning
  • regressive impact
  • feasibility
  • broader strategy
  • public transportation
  • cycling
  • pedestrian-friendly
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