IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Write about the following topic: Some people think that housing facilities should be built in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while others believe that parks should be set instead. Planting trees is very important for the environment. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #facilities #areas #cities #towns #parks #trees #environment
In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 housing
facilities
 should
be build
Change the verb form
be built
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 in vacant
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 of cities and towns rather
then
Replace the word
than
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 the parks.
Well
Add the punctuation
Well,
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 there are
somans
Correct your spelling
so many
 reasons for that some of
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 is that as in todays time
somans
Correct your spelling
so many
people
 are now shifting from villages and small towns to cities and big town in search of food and good living standard, because of the more housing
facilities
 are demanded from
then
 and if the new housing
facilities
are not build
Change the verb form
are not built
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, supply of new house did
nt
Correct your spelling
not
 increase but the demand continues to rise so in near future there will be differently a shortage of housing
facilities
 which will increase in the demand pull inflation the economy as the prices of current houses will
also
 increase. A perfect example of
this
 is the city called Karachi in Pakistan where
people
 come
Change preposition
from all
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all
Change preposition
from all
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 around of country for
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 because the demand for housing
facilities
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
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rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
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 much higher
then
Replace the word
than
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 the supply which
result
Change the verb form
results
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 in
Correct article usage
the prices
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prices
Correct article usage
the prices
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 of houses
Wrong verb form
rising
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to rise
Change the verb form
rising
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 by more
then
Replace the word
than
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 than
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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double in a single year.
However
 it is
also
 not wrong that parks should
be build
Change the verb form
be built
show examples
 in vacant areas of cities and towns as trees are very important for the
Correct your spelling
environment
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 but we should first give
Correct your spelling
priorities to
priroritiesto
Correct your spelling
priority to
 the things which are most required by the
people
, If there are parks but no houses so that are of no use for the
people
 as
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 thing they want is a place where they can live
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to structure your essay in a logical way. Start with an introduction that clearly states your position, follow with body paragraphs that each cover a single main idea supported by examples, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and reiterates your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on language accuracy and complexity. Although occasional grammar or vocabulary errors are acceptable, ensure sentence structures are varied and correct. Practice using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response by deeply examining both sides of the argument. Clearly articulate why you support building housing facilities rather than parks and include a balanced consideration of the opposing viewpoint.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas. Ensure each point is clear and elaborated in a comprehensible manner. This will help in expressing your opinions more effectively.
task achievement
You included a relevant example that supports your argument, which strengthens your point of view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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