IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Online classes make conventional classrooms unnecessary. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

#classes #classrooms
E-learning has been a topic of interest for a long period of time
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 after the experience of Covid-19 pandemic in the world. Some people believe that the presence of online classes will potentially make the physical
classroom
 become redundant.
While
 there is no denying the benefits of virtual learning,
however
, I believe that being taught
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 is
compleately irreplacable
Correct your spelling
completely irreplaceable
. On the one hand, remote studying is beneficial for many compelling reasons.
First,
it provides both
students
 and teachers
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
means of communication
that is
 more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
.
Due to
 the fact that most households now are provided with
internet
Add an article
an internet
show examples
 connection, which means that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to online classes will be broadened to more people.
Second,
parents might not have time to take their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to a physical
class
,
therefore
, e-learning will be suitable. Parents can do an online register
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 an online
class
, under
observation
Add an article
the observation
show examples
 of teachers through
Correct article usage
a computer’s
show examples
computer’s
Change noun form
computer
show examples
 screen but still ensure the amount of knowledge that
students
 should acquire.
On the other hand
, it is inevitable that the importance of
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
classroom
 has never been rejected, since it brings about more interactions that could increase the quality of a lesson.
For example
, subjects that
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
, especially those that should be done under
teacher’s
Correct article usage
the teacher’s
show examples
 observation
such
 as science, chemistry, … will be taught more effectively
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 classes.
This
 is because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 a traditional
class
,
students
 understand the topic by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 rather than learning through books or slides.
Moreover
, the dynamic of
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
show examples
 will help
students
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
foster their soft skills through teamwork,
discussions
Correct word choice
and discussions
show examples
 with teachers and fellows, …
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are rarely seen in an online
class
. In conclusion,
although
 online learning has
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 in terms of
Correct your spelling
convenience
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
,
however
,
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
classroom
 will never be replaced as it provides more advantages rather than just learning
Submitted by kkhanhnhitr0801 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure consistent use of tenses and correct minor grammatical errors, such as 'their childrens' to 'their children.'
content
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the relevance and clarity of your arguments.
structure
Conclude strongly by summarizing key points clearly. The current conclusion is a bit abrupt and lacks a strong final statement.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, and each paragraph centers around a distinct main idea.
content
The ideas are logically sequenced and easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: