Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for thier future careers. Other people, say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #subjects #thier #future #careers #music #sports

Education in general is always a topic of

interst

Correct your spelling

interest

. Some assert that academic

subjects

should be focused

Change preposition

show examples

teaching,

while

others state that a mix of academic and non-academic

subjects

is better. In

this

essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give the final opinion later. On the one hand, there are some compelling reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

the importance of disciplines that are academically

focus

Wrong verb form

focused

show examples

First,

it is inevitable that these

subjects

will

directly

Add a missing verb

be directly

show examples

beneficial for

students

in terms of gaining knowledge that might be helpful for them in the future.

Due to

the provision of academic curriculums about fundamental information,

practical

Correct word choice

and practical

show examples

skills, …

students

can use

this

knowledge for any jobs that they apply for later on.

This

will stand a chance

Change preposition

for

show examples

graduated

students

to have a job easier.

Second,

acdemic

Correct your spelling

academic

subjects

might be easier

for acknowledging

Change preposition

to acknowledge

show examples

a person’s qualifications and

ability

Fix the agreement mistake

abilities

show examples

This

is because these

subjects

will be given in terms of

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

based on the coursework,

exam

Correct word choice

and exam

show examples

, …

Therefore

, a company can make

comparison

Fix the agreement mistake

comparisons

show examples

between applicants through their scores, meaning that

students

focus

Correct pronoun usage

who focus

show examples

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

could be more competitive when applying for a job.

On the other hand

, it seems to be more

balance

Replace the word

balanced

show examples

to have any non-academic

subjects

that

students

can do. The importance of music and sports in student’s life is seen as a tool

Change preposition

for

show examples

reducing mental health issues. China, where any

types

Fix the agreement mistake

type

show examples

of non-academic

curriculums

Fix the agreement mistake

curriculum

show examples

tends to

be underestimate

Change the verb form

be underestimated

show examples

and underprovided by schools.

Students

will concentrate on the compulsory

subjects

, which significantly has an adverse bearing on

student’s

Fix the agreement mistake

students’

show examples

mental health,

therefore

increase

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

the probability of stress and

lower

Wrong verb form

lowering

show examples

their performance at school.

Furthermore

, a

well

Change the adverb

good

show examples

combination of two types of

subjects

could help

students

in terms of soft skills fostering.

This

is because the majority of

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

requires

teamworking

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

and logical thinking for strategy. Where music essentially

demand

Correct subject-verb agreement

demands

show examples

for

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

the connection between

brain

Correct article usage

the brain

show examples

, eyes and hands to play an instrument,

as a result

, it would increase the flexibility and develop the personality of

students

. In conclusion,

although

academic

subjects

are essential in providing

students

with basic knowledge to use in their future careers.

However

, I personally believe that the combination will be better for a well-rounded development for each individual since it not only

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

with reducing mental health issues but

also

giving

Wrong verb form

gives

show examples

students

with opportunity

of fostering

Change preposition

to foster

show examples

their personality and other skills in the long term.

Submitted by kkhanhnhitr0801 on Sat Jun 22 2024

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grammar

Improve sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and readability. Avoid run-on sentences and fragmented phrases.

task response

Strengthen the support for your arguments with more specific examples, rather than general statements. This will make your points more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth to improve the logical flow of the essay. Use transition words and phrases to link ideas cohesively.

task response

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and includes a clear introduction and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

You effectively outline the main points of both sides of the argument, providing a comprehensive overview.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

394 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary communities, schools tend to add excessively on vital subjects such as mathematics, physics, chemicals, and biology as it called the main subjects to aim for profitable career journeys in the future. This phenomenon often happens because the authority wants to improve the ability to make critical analyses of symbols and science. Extracurricular subjects on the other hand, like music and sports, are considered as important in some perspectives. However, society presumably agrees that the first line is received more valuable than others, whereas those mentioned academics are a combination of ideas between high institutions and universities in order to prepare them to obtain the best majors for the next level of education.

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for thier future careers. Other people, say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays many students have the opportunity to study for part or all of their courses in foreign countries. While studying abroad brings many benefits to individual students, it also has a number of disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do the advantages of governments paying for fees outweigh the disadvantages?

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family, we just watch television. To what extent for you agree or disagree with this opinion?

in many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?