Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for thier future careers. Other people, say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Education in general is always a topic of
interst
. Some assert that academic Correct your spelling
interest
subjects
should be focused in
teaching, Change preposition
on
while
others state that a mix of academic and non-academic subjects
is better. In this
essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give the final opinion later.
On the one hand, there are some compelling reasons to
the importance of disciplines that are academically Change preposition
for
focus
. Wrong verb form
focused
First,
it is inevitable that these subjects
will directly
beneficial for Add a missing verb
be directly
students
in terms of gaining knowledge that might be helpful for them in the future. Due to
the provision of academic curriculums about fundamental information, practical
skills, … Correct word choice
and practical
students
can use this
knowledge for any jobs that they apply for later on. This
will stand a chance of
graduated Change preposition
for
students
to have a job easier. Second,
acdemic
Correct your spelling
academic
subjects
might be easier for acknowledging
a person’s qualifications and Change preposition
to acknowledge
ability
. Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
This
is because these subjects
will be given in terms of score
based on the coursework, Fix the agreement mistake
scores
exam
, … Correct word choice
and exam
Therefore
, a company can make comparison
between applicants through their scores, meaning that Fix the agreement mistake
comparisons
students
focus
on Correct pronoun usage
who focus
academic
could be more competitive when applying for a job.
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
On the other hand
, it seems to be more balance
to have any non-academic Replace the word
balanced
subjects
that students
can do. The importance of music and sports in student’s life is seen as a tool of
reducing mental health issues. China, where any Change preposition
for
types
of non-academic Fix the agreement mistake
type
curriculums
tends to Fix the agreement mistake
curriculum
be underestimate
and underprovided by schools. Change the verb form
be underestimated
Students
will concentrate on the compulsory subjects
, which significantly has an adverse bearing on student’s
mental health, Fix the agreement mistake
students’
therefore
, increase
the probability of stress and Wrong verb form
increasing
lower
their performance at school. Wrong verb form
lowering
Furthermore
, a well
combination of two types of Change the adverb
good
subjects
could help students
in terms of soft skills fostering. This
is because the majority of sport
requires Fix the agreement mistake
sports
teamworking
and logical thinking for strategy. Where music essentially Correct your spelling
teamwork
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
for
the connection between Remove the preposition
apply
brain
, eyes and hands to play an instrument, Correct article usage
the brain
as a result
, it would increase the flexibility and develop the personality of students
.
In conclusion, although
academic subjects
are essential in providing students
with basic knowledge to use in their future careers. However
, I personally believe that the combination will be better for a well-rounded development for each individual since it not only help
with reducing mental health issues but Change the verb form
helps
also
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
students
with opportunity of fostering
their personality and other skills in the long term.Change preposition
to foster
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grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and readability. Avoid run-on sentences and fragmented phrases.
task response
Strengthen the support for your arguments with more specific examples, rather than general statements. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth to improve the logical flow of the essay. Use transition words and phrases to link ideas cohesively.
task response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and includes a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You effectively outline the main points of both sides of the argument, providing a comprehensive overview.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example