In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #case #development

this

westernization, many nations’ citizens are interested in choosing modern

dress

codes like jeans and suits

also

their curiosity is declining in their cultural costumes. The main reason behind

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Add an article

a technology

show examples

technology

Replace the word

technological

show examples

development and

people

are becoming more literate. In my point of view,

this

development will give a positive result.

Initially

, technology has increased sky level,

this

has resulted in

people

getting easy access to communication through smartphones and

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

Hence

, they are keen to know foreign cultures and

endeavouring

Wrong verb form

endeavour

show examples

to imitate that culture.

In addition

, the effect of globalization, most of the foreign nation’s commodities are available in another

along with

affordable rates and

this

can easily enthral the

people

to procure.

Thus

, all nations’ citizens are interested in purchasing foreign garments. To illustrate, in my country, most of the commodities are imported from China and their clothes are triggered

our

Change preposition

by our

show examples

nation’s citizens to purchase.

Moreover

this

trend will motivate

people

in a positive direction.

However

, adhering to the Western cloth culture, their own heritage cloth styles will not disappear. Because, the traditional

dress

code has come from their ancestors,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

merely imitating

Western

Correct article usage

the Western

show examples

dress

code, their own traditional

dress

habits will never change.

Also

people

will start to adhere to

an abroad

Correct word choice

foreign

show examples

dress

styles, their country’s economy will soar,

also

import and export commodities will get a boost.

To conclude

, technological development and more literacy will trigger

people

to imitate other

nations

Change noun form

nations'

nation's

show examples

dress

codes. Whilst,

people

will never forget their ancestor

dress

style, because the traditional clothing system is their identity.

Whereas

, countries economy will possible to increase by western garments.

Submitted by smsundaram57 on Sat Jun 22 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on ensuring a smoother flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices more effectively.

task achievement

Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

task achievement

Clarify some of your points further for better comprehension. Occasionally, the ideas presented can seem a bit vague or underdeveloped.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

task achievement

The main points are relevant to the topic and generally well-supported with explanations.

task achievement

The essay addresses both parts of the task thoroughly, offering explanations for why people adopt western clothing and discussing the positive aspects of this trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think the changes have been very positive, while others believe they have been negative. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Many students around the world don’t choose science subjects at university. Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community?

You have just come back from a long bus trip. You were unhappy with the service. Write a letter of complaint to the bus company stating your reason for writing the letter describing why you are unhappy making suggestions for improvement.

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.