Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
modernized universe technology is growing hike daily and people
are having more stress in their carrier
to avoid that fewer individuals are spending Correct your spelling
careers
time
for entertainment during their leisure time
. According to
my point of view, this
will help people
to enhance their life individually, professionally and socially.
For individual point
, at present Fix the agreement mistake
points
ambience
Add a comma
ambience,
people
have more depression, because of their job. Nowadays all country
Correct article usage
the country
people
are spending too much time
for
Change preposition
on
job
Add an article
the job
a job
due to
that they do not have adequate time
to spend his
family, Correct pronoun usage
their
thus
of
Change preposition
for
this
reason their minds have become tired and mentally they are more suffering. To avoiding
Change the form of the verb
avoid
this
, they have to spend some time
for entertainment activity
, during the leisure period, Fix the agreement mistake
activities
then
only health and mind will come into normal position.
Professionally, all companies are
working Unnecessary verb
apply
time
schedules are hectic, they make work time
duration minimum 12
to 14 hours per day, Change preposition
of 12
this
may create a serious implication for the employees, so everyone working maximum hours, this
will ruin their health and mind, to avoiding this
impact employees must do some physical activities, during the holidays. For instance
, all organizations in China are giving more work burden to their staffs
, to avoid that they are doing cycling, meditation and some exercise during their free Fix the agreement mistake
staff
time
.
Socially, people
should spend some time
on outdoor activity
like walking, public Fix the agreement mistake
activities
gathering
and laughing Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
exercise
, Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
this type
of hobbies will connect Fix the agreement mistake
these types
people
and create solidarity to
Change preposition
in
this
society. The Government must organize special campaigns and advertisements to the public about hobbies and it’s beneficial.
Correct determiner usage
apply
To sum up
, of this
statement
Add a comma
statement,
people
must spend some time
on hobbies, then
only mind
and health will be good position not only games, Correct pronoun usage
their mind
other
activities like exercise and music Correct word choice
but other
this
can also
reduce their stress and depression.Submitted by smsundaram57 on
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complete response
Try to elaborate more on how modern technology specifically reduces the time available for hobbies.
complete response
Clarify how professional stress directly impacts the ability to engage in hobbies.
logical structure
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the overall logical flow of the argument.
single idea per paragraph
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single, clear idea for better coherence.
greeting and closing
The essay's structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is clear.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the essay is generally appropriate for a formal discussion on the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.