SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (Example 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?
There is no denying the fact that every company has their own policy and rules.
While
it is a commonly held belief that it is unfair to have a set retirement
age
of around 65 years old, there is also
an argument that opposes this
idea. In my opinion, I consider that, regardless of what kind of job, everyone should receive a pension from a young age
.
To begin
with, employees should have a clear retirement
plan
at a young age
. In other words
, having a good retirement
plan
is beneficial for individuals because they can have a clear vision of their future and manage their time as well. In addition
, workers are not machines that spend most of their lives in their occupation, which might lead to mental issues. For example
, if the company does not give a clear retirement
plan
to young workers and does not allow them to receive a pension, they may get mental diseases such
as depression and other mental disorder
.
Another point to consider, teachers should have a Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
retirement
plan
at a young age
around 35 years. It is also
possible to say that, teaching is a hard and exhausting career, so it would be better to retire at a young age
. Moreover
, the rate of burnout in the teaching career is dramatically increasing due to
hard work. For instance
, a recent article published in Scientific American revealed that most teachers are quitting their jobs on the grounds that the education system has strict retirement
plans, so most of them can not handle the hard work of this
job.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I strongly believe that governments should not have strict rules related to work policies, they should give options to their employees and freedom to set their retirement
plan
.Submitted by deemaalkhathlan1 on
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task achievement
Ensure that the thesis statement clearly reflects the position you will be defending throughout the essay. Though you mention support for early retirement, there is some ambiguity in fully capturing your stance on a set retirement age.
coherence cohesion
Follow a clear paragraph structure in each section (introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion). Although your essay has logical progression, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific real-life examples and data to strengthen your main arguments. This will better illustrate the points being made, particularly regarding mental health and job burnout.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide relevant arguments and examples that support your main points in the essay.
task achievement
Your writing maintains a consistent focus on the topic and does not deviate from the main argument.