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Band 6.5

Many people believe that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working. Others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #work
Many
individuals
 believe that
individuals
 over the
age
 of 65 should be retired,
while
 others believe that the elderly should be allowed to continue working until they are ready. Before concluding that I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the former conception,
this
 essay
endeavors
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endeavours
show examples
 to illuminate both perspectives. On the one hand, it may be advantageous for senior
individuals
 to continue working after the
age
 of 65.
Initially
, the capacity of senior
employees
 to continue their careers would enable them to cover their living expenses.
For instance
, there are a number of elderly
individuals
 who serve as the primary breadwinners in their families.
Consequently
, they must generate income from their current employment in order to preserve their stable lifestyle.
Secondly
, the preservation of the profession of senior workers is an excellent method of ensuring that they continue to live with a sense of purpose.
For example
, certain elderly
employees
 are enthusiastic about their employment because it allows them to pursue their preferred profession, which results in their enjoyment and satisfaction.
However
, there are numerous compelling reasons for my conviction that
individuals
 over the
age
 of 65 should dedicate the remainder of their lives to
savoring
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savouring
show examples
 invaluable experiences. The initial reason is that they could allocate more time to their family and friends when they resigned from their positions.
For example
, they may engage in family activities,
such
 as shopping, cooking, and viewing a movie, which provide them with a sense of relaxation and entertainment. Another explanation is that the geriatric would generate employment opportunities for younger candidates if they relinquished their positions.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that older
employees
 possess a greater amount of professional experience and skills than their younger counterparts.
Consequently
,
this
 creates some burdens for young
individuals
 and places them under strain.
Consequently
, young candidates would have the freedom to be more creative and self-assured in the company without the elderly staff. In summary,
although
 it is undisputed that elderly
employees
 continue to work after the
age
 of 65, I would argue that there are certain advantages for senior
employees
 who elect to retire.
Submitted by lethiphuonguyen0098 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Using a wider variety of conjunctions and transitional phrases can help in this regard.
task achievement
To better support your main points, include more specific examples and explain how they directly relate to your argument. This will enhance the task achievement criterion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly state your position and summarize the main points discussed in the essay. This will give your essay a more logical structure.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both views and giving your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively framed, presenting the topic and summarizing the essay's main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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