IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such as education and health ? To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#nations #wealth #education #health
The wealthiest
countries
 have to give some of their wealth to poor
countries
 by producing,
for example
, healthcare and high-quality education. I totally agree with
this
 statement for many reasons
such
 as humanity and development and will provide explanations and examples as well in the essay. The
countries
 that have the ability and power should take care of the health of everyone living in poorer
countries
 because they deserve a good life for themselves and their families if they do not provide
this
 the hate between the nations is going to happen
For example
 some
countries
 from Africa they do not have great health so all the disease will come from them and all governments around our planet should help them by free because they can not effort it but,
this
 will not happen so they will blame the biggest
countries
 for that. Education is the key to communication and
this
 will bring peace to the
world
However
 if the wealthiest governments do not open doors for people from low-economy nations to come and study in one of their huge universities that will be worse for our
world
 for all of us
for instance
, a poor boy who dreams to become an engineer in the future whenever the chance show, of course, he will make it and going to be the best engineer for our
world
 and payback for who help in the start of his journey. In conclusion, I believe that there should be an international law to force wealthy nations to share knowledge and improve hospitals in poorer
countries
 all of that for human beings and to improve our
world
.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make the essay more engaging and articulate.
task achievement
Enhance the examples in your essay. For instance, you could elaborate more on specific instances where aid has made a tangible difference in health or education in poorer nations.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should elaborate on one main idea, making sure to develop it fully before moving on to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured arguments supporting the main thesis of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Presence of a clear introduction and conclusion enhances readability and provides a framework for the essay.
task achievement
Addressed both aspects of the question: the importance of health and education aid from wealthy to poorer nations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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