IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, the family gathering together to eat meals has been disappearing.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
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are
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, and the effects they can have. In my opinion, first of all, the tradition of families getting together to have meals is not happening as much recently, because of financial constraints, which means they need to work more to earn more money to support their family and afford things in life , e.g. rental, electricity bill, phone bill, etc.
This
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 causes them to have no
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 for the family gathering.
For example
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, some people may have more than 1 job - they do their main job during the day,
then
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,
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 another job at night
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time
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.
In addition
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, some need to relocate to work abroad to get a better salary.
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, the tradition of individualism, which encourages people to live by themselves, especially
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 in Western culture,
for example
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, when the kids ask their parents to leave the family and live by themselves when they are 18 years old. Those reasons mentioned above can affect,
firstly
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, the relationship in the family, as when family members cannot gather from
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 to
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, it causes a weak relationship in the family, where everyone seems to be a stranger to each other.
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, the siblings are scared to talk about the problems that they have been facing or about their personal lives.
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, it can cause a social interaction with the family members. I personally think that social interaction should start from a family basis, as we learn how to interact with others by imitating how everyone in the house treats each other.
To conclude
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, the family gathering has been disappearing , which can be caused by the financial constraints and the tradition of individualism. These have impacts on a family relationship and social interaction.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and impacts, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Use clearer examples. Some examples are too general and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main point and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar in topic sentences, so your main idea is clear at once.
task response
You answer the full question with reasons and impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
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