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Band 3

Many people beleive that high sugar levels cause more health problems. make it more expensive to reduce the health issues. do you agree or disagree ?

#people #beleive #sugar #levels #health
Some individuals argue that a lot of
health
 problems
as a result
 of sugar intake in diets, and
this
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
health
 costs.
This
 essay totally agrees with
this
 statement because eating food has a lot of sugar ,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in blood glucose.
Additionally
, the rate of diabetes patients will rise. the biggest
health
 problem is increasing in blood glucose of individuals because
this
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 insulin resistance in their bodies, which means a high risk of diabetes.
Moreover
, if the number of diabetes patients increases, there will be a huge demand for
health
 services and medication.
For example
, there is a recent study shows that high impact on
health
due to
 a decrease
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 community awareness.
Moreover
, these problems do not affect only one sector they
also
 have an impact on the country's economy, because they will increase funds for
health
 rather than other sectors
such
 as development.
For example
, there are a public study shows that much of big countries have a high percentage of diseases , and
this
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their development plan. In conclusion, if the country suffers from diseases
this
 will affect its economic costs. Because
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 they have to increase awareness of their community to reduce
this
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their cost. It is recommended that put new rules to limit sugar
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 in food.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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grammar
There are some grammar and phrasing issues such as 'a lot of health problems as a result of sugar intake in diets' which could be more clearly stated as 'many health problems are caused by high sugar intake in diets.' Consider revising these sentences to improve clarity.
content
The essay covers the main points but lacks deeper explanation and development on some arguments. Adding more detailed analysis or examples could strengthen your points and increase the score.
structure
The essay should have a clearer logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows well into the next. Use more transitional phrases to improve coherence.
content
The essay appropriately addresses the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue.
structure
The conclusion brings closure to the essay and summarizes the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high sugar levels
  • health problems
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • reduce consumption
  • public health
  • healthier options
  • negative consequences
  • financial strain
  • low-income families
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • government policies
  • subsidize
  • healthier food alternatives
  • accessible
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