Many people beleive that high sugar levels cause more health problems. make it more expensive to reduce the health issues. do you agree or disagree ?

#people #beleive #sugar #levels #health

Some individuals argue that a lot of

health

problems

as a result

of sugar intake in diets, and

this

affect

Correct subject-verb agreement

affects

show examples

health

costs.

This

essay totally agrees with

this

statement because eating food has a lot of sugar ,

this

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

will lead to

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

in blood glucose.

Additionally

, the rate of diabetes patients will rise. the biggest

health

problem is increasing in blood glucose of individuals because

this

makes

Verb problem

causes

show examples

insulin resistance in their bodies, which means a high risk of diabetes.

Moreover

, if the number of diabetes patients increases, there will be a huge demand for

health

services and medication.

For example

, there is a recent study shows that high impact on

health

due to

a decrease

Change preposition

show examples

community awareness.

Moreover

, these problems do not affect only one sector they

also

have an impact on the country's economy, because they will increase funds for

health

rather than other sectors

such

as development.

For example

, there are a public study shows that much of big countries have a high percentage of diseases , and

this

impact

Correct subject-verb agreement

impacts

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their development plan. In conclusion, if the country suffers from diseases

this

will affect its economic costs. Because

this

Change preposition

of this

show examples

they have to increase awareness of their community to reduce

this

effect

Change preposition

show examples

their cost. It is recommended that put new rules to limit sugar

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

in food.

Submitted by saja.alotaibi on Sun Jun 23 2024

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grammar

There are some grammar and phrasing issues such as 'a lot of health problems as a result of sugar intake in diets' which could be more clearly stated as 'many health problems are caused by high sugar intake in diets.' Consider revising these sentences to improve clarity.

content

The essay covers the main points but lacks deeper explanation and development on some arguments. Adding more detailed analysis or examples could strengthen your points and increase the score.

structure

The essay should have a clearer logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows well into the next. Use more transitional phrases to improve coherence.

content

The essay appropriately addresses the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue.

structure

The conclusion brings closure to the essay and summarizes the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

222 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

high sugar levels
health problems
obesity
diabetes
heart disease
reduce consumption
public health
healthier options
negative consequences
financial strain
low-income families
education and awareness campaigns
government policies
subsidize
healthier food alternatives
accessible

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Many people beleive that high sugar levels cause more health problems. make it more expensive to reduce the health issues. do you agree or disagree ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays people are working too hard,what is the reason for that. what should employers do to prevent people form this.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

Some people think that when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. Discuss both views.