Children are facing more pressure nowadys from academic, social and commrcial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?
These days,
children
indeed are under pressure from various aspects such
as intellectual, social and commercial factors. Two key stems that bring this
tendency; some feasible solutions could mitigate this
phenomenon.
To begin
with, there are two main reasons for adolescents having more anxiety. One of the main causes is that we are living in a competitive world, so children
should study
hard and learn some potential skills that can lead to acquiring a good job
in the world job
market, hence
their parents put more tribulations on their loved ones in order to they can survive in the future competitive era. Also
, the child is the primary consumer of business on the grounds they can be influenced easily by the ad with colourful video editing and attractive songs. These are the main reasons for children
being anxiety.
Even though, to resolve this
issue, there are some reasonable remedies to be adopted. One of the paramount importance of solutions is that parents should encourage and guide their toddlers how
to achieve and Change preposition
on how
study
hard without having study
pressure; every day finish their homework and study
what school taught. Another solution is that the government should impose the
law against Correct article usage
a
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
abuse from commercial influences Change noun form
children's
along
with
educators should avoid billboards and posters near educational institutions. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, within a hundred meters of schools in India, do not put any billboards and this
is one strict law. These are the solutions to be diminished
child tension.
In conclusion, adolescents are having tribulations from academic, social and commercial perspectives. Getting a good Wrong verb form
diminish
job
in a competitive job
market as well as
infants can be easily exploited by the advert, these are the vital stems for this
phenomenon. Although
, Correct word choice
However
parent's
guidance and motivation towards their loved ones and the strict law should be imposed by the ministry that Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
can
alleviate the child's burdens.Verb problem
apply
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general
Your essay has clear main points, but you should further develop them with specific, detailed examples and evidence. This would make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You should work on providing a clearer logical structure to your ideas. Some sentences and points need to be more deeply connected to provide a better flow in the narrative. Avoid abrupt transitions and ensure that each paragraph leads naturally into the next.
grammar and vocabulary
Polish your grammar and vocabulary use; for instance, improve word choices and fix minor mistakes. Minor grammatical errors can slightly distract the reader from your main points. Additionally, try to use a variety of complex sentence structures.
introduction
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and sets the stage for the discussion. Good job!
content balance
You have included both causes and solutions in your essay, showing a balanced approach to the question.
conclusion
Your conclusion neatly wraps up the discussion and restates the main points, leaving a good final impression.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example