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Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater than it used to be. Other say that people only continued their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #jobs #education #opportunities #points
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In the contemporary era,
qualifications
Correct article usage
the qualifications
show examples
 of young
people
 have witnessed a significant rise. The question of the root causes of
this
 phenomenon resulting from readily accessible
education
 or a competitive job market has become a matter of considerable debate.
This
 essay will explore two viewpoints, and I believe that the availability of
education
 plays a more crucial role in
this
 trend. On the one hand, today’s job market is highly competitive. With globalization and technological advancements, the demand for skilled and knowledgeable workers has increased significantly.
As a result
, young
people
 strive to attain higher
qualifications
 to distinguish themselves from their peers.
For instance
, many students pursue advanced degrees and professional certifications to enhance their employability.
This
 fierce competition for desirable positions undoubtedly pushes individuals to invest more in their
education
.
On the other hand
, the expansion of educational
opportunities
 has been crucial in improving young
people
's
qualifications
. Over the past few decades, the number of universities and vocational training institutes worldwide has significantly increased.
Additionally
, online
education
 platforms have made learning more accessible and affordable. Scholarships, grants, and student loans have
also
 enabled more individuals to pursue higher
education
. These
opportunities
 have empowered young
people
 to achieve higher
qualifications
, regardless of their economic backgrounds. From the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
while
 job market competition has influenced the pursuit of higher
qualifications
, the increased availability of educational
opportunities
 has been the key factor in the improved
qualifications
 of today's youth. By providing more
opportunities
 for learning and development, society has enabled young
people
 to acquire the skills and knowledge needed to succeed in the modern world.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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specific examples
To make your essay even stronger, make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, you could include statistics or studies that show the increase in educational institutions or detail specific job market trends.
language use
Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to add depth and sophistication to your writing. This can help to better engage the reader and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
structure
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which enhances readability and comprehension.
balanced discussion
You have effectively addressed both viewpoints, providing a balanced discussion that strengthens your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas and the smooth transitions between paragraphs contribute significantly to the overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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