IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe that all companies decisions should be decided by the managers, while others view that its better to include employees in decision making. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #companies #decisions #managers #employees #decision
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In the modern world, many
businesses
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 are growing and some
businesses
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 believe that the CEO is the only person who can show
ideas
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 to improve the company.
While
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 others think that staffs should give the
idea
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 to promote
companies
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 too.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 statement and will give reasons from my point of view.
To begin
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 with, the reasons why employees can support their
ideas
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 to help
companies
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. First of all, I think that many
ideas
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 from many people are better than the
ideas
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 from only one person.
In addition
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, I believe that many workers have a great
idea
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 to change
companies
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 so, the owner should support them, and give them to show their opinion. I have seen many successful
companies
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 where staff and managers can share
ideas
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 together.manager On the other point of view, some places think that many groups should listen to managers because they have more skills ,and they can improve the company, but in my view, I think that
this
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 is the very old way.
For instance
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, the world is changing ,and the way of marketing should be changed too.
Thus
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, the new
ideas
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 from the new generation can help many
businesses
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 develop in the modern world. I believe that sharing
ideas
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 between managers and employees is the best way to help
businesses
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.
To sum up
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, I think that the manager's
idea
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 and
staff's
Correct article usage
the staff's
show examples
ideas
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 are best ,but many
ideas
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 are better than one
idea
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 so, I think that if the team want to succeed in business, they will exchange
ideas
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 with others. I believe that the
companies
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 will be successful in the future.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure, but transitions between ideas can be improved for better flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed coherently.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be better developed to clearly establish and summarize the main points of the essay. Ensure the introduction provides a clear outline of what will be discussed and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but providing more detailed examples and evidence will strengthen the essay's arguments. Develop each main point with specific examples or case studies to illustrate your views.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete at a basic level. However, the essay would benefit from a clearer position throughout, rather than just in the conclusion. Make sure to directly address the task and clearly state your opinion in the introduction, then reinforce it throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but they need to be expressed more comprehensively. Provide a more thorough explanation of your points and elaborate on your ideas to add depth to your argument.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples, but they are too general. Include more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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