Many people choose natural healing methods, such as acupuncture and massage therapy to recover from illness. Others prefer to use pharmaceutical drugs prescribed by their doctor for their alignments. Discuss both views and give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is a common belief that
drugs
are used to treat numerous
diseases
by practitioners.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that the best solution to maintain good
health
is using natural therapies without any poisons.
This
essay will discuss both views of recovery and treatment
methods
. On the one hand, a lot of people assume that using poisons from doctors is the fastest and most accurate way to recover their mental and physical
health
.
Therefore
, when people encounter emergency situations, they often prefer to visit the hospital to get a direct cure from doctors.
For example
, those who suffer from broken legs or hypertension, decide to go to the hospital to talk with medical experts and get some medicines, because
this
method is one of the most direct ways to treat them.
Moreover
, the rapid development of medical technology converts the general public’s notion that pharmaceutical
drugs
from practitioners are reliable treatments.
On the other hand
, natural treatment
methods
such
as massage and acupuncture provide people with long-term benefits without any poisons. Those who prefer to use natural treatment
methods
, often are often concerned about harmful ingredients in some
drugs
and being poisoned by
drugs
,
thus
, they may prevent their
health
from being exposed to any poison.
Moreover
, no serious injuries or
diseases
are often treated by natural healing
methods
.
For example
, I had bad posture habits when I worked or studied using a laptop or smartphone, causing disk issues and eye
diseases
,
then
, I decided to go places like massage shops or acupuncture hospitals, as I wanted to develop my posture habit in the long term.
This
decision was an amazing experience to recover my disk issues. In conclusion, there are two ways to recover from their
diseases
.
However
, from the writer’s perspective, using tools like massage and acupuncture is the best way to keep and treat their
health
issues without harmful substances.
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task achievement
Ensure that all key ideas are clearly supported with specific and relevant examples. For instance, the example about the writer's personal experience with natural treatments could be expanded with more details.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of the essay by avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that all points are clearly differentiated. For example, you mentioned 'natural treatment methods' and 'without any poisons' repetitively, which could be streamlined.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical structure and transition smoothly from one idea to the next. Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance coherence, such as 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' or 'on the contrary.'
coherence cohesion
Review and refine the introduction and conclusion to ensure they encapsulate the essay's main points effectively. The conclusion should restate the key arguments succinctly.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion by considering both views on the topic, which is crucial for task completion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and relevant to the overall argument of the essay.
task achievement
The essay highlights personal experience as an example, which adds credibility and a personal touch to the argument.
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