It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
We are living in a developed world with high material needs. Thereby, some
people
believe that saving money
for the future
is very necessary for all ages, including young inhabitants. In my view, I partly agree with this
statement and in this
essay, I will explain some reasons why I am partly with this
statement.
On the one hand, there are a lot of benefits when people
save money
for the future
. Firstly
, saving money
from a young age will ensure long-term financial security. Unexpected expenses and emergencies can arise at any time in their life, so having financial savings can solve these problems easily. In addition
, all services, goods and amenities are much more expensive than before. So saving money
is very crucial for people
to get anything easily. Moreover
, saving money
helps people
have some essential skills such
as discipline, independence, foresight and budgeting. When young people
learn to manage their money
effectively, they are more likely to make informed decisions about their spending and investments. For example
, a teenager who saves a part of his allowance learns to budget for both immediate wants and future
needs, creating a foundation for responsible financial behaviours.
On the other hand
, there are some issues that need attention. First of all, saving money
can sometimes cause problems due to
misunderstandings and mixed reactions about it. Some people
cannot understand between saving money
and stinginess, so they start saving too much money
. Therefore
, it can lead to a decrease in the quality of life of each individual. For instance
, some inhabitants think that buying fresh food and using safety services is unnecessary and wasteful. Additionally
, residents start buying food of unknown origin and using poor quality services at cheap prices which can cause a lot of ailments.
To sum up
, although
I agree that saving money
for the future
is important for everyone, including young ages, they have to use their money
for their own purposes and responsibility.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the importance of saving money and providing reasons for both sides of the argument. However, try to make your position clearer throughout the essay. A more balanced approach or a stronger stance on one side might improve the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between some ideas could be smoother. Using more transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows well into the next will enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant examples, such as the teenager saving his allowance. However, refining some of your examples and linking them more directly to your main points can strengthen your argument. Additionally, providing more specific instances or statistics can add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization aids in the readability and coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Your points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the example of a teenager learning to budget. These examples help illustrate your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is strong, and the progression of ideas is generally clear and easy to follow. This makes your essay cohesive and coherent.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.