One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and living expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantaged of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#consequence #care #people #expectancy #development

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As the world is continuously modernising, that

also

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brings forth the advancement of medication and results in the longevity of human beings. Many suggest that it is having a negative impact

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others say

otherwise

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. The writer of

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essay agrees with the former statement that a lengthened lifetime causes more harm than good. It must be recognised that the longer individuals live the more crowded Earth will be. Death is like a way nature provides living space and future opportunities for the next generations.

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, longer life expectancy will lead to overpopulation which leads to other issues like insufficient resources, famine and epidemics because diseases can spread rapidly within a small amount of time and combined with overpopulation, it can start a global crisis.

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, having a long life is not beneficial but more like suffering as the body is designed to degrade away with time so the immune systems will

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be less active.

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, the elders will be vulnerable to fatal diseases and inevitably be a burden to their families as their medical bills will accumulate and have a negative impact on the well-being of their families.

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, longevity provides a means of happiness through creating more memorable moments with their acquaintance and family members. The sensation when observing the growth and maturity of our children is quite satisfying and it is even more pleasing to accompany them on their journey.

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, living a longer life will directly translate to acquiring more opportunities to pursue any dreams or goals.

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is especially true for the former generations as in their period prior to us were poor and unable to engage in their dreams until the present. In conclusion, longevity does not necessarily translate to any detrimental effects but the benefits it provides still cannot outweigh the cons of it because it defies the law of nature and causes harm to both the world and ourselves.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Sat Jun 01 2024

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task achievement

To enhance task response, ensure you address both sides of the argument more thoroughly. In this essay, you lean significantly towards the disadvantages but provide less emphasis on the potential advantages. Balancing the discussion would strengthen your argument and show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, make transitions between paragraphs smoother. Use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas logically and make the essay flow more naturally. This will help the reader follow your line of reasoning more effectively.

task achievement

Use specific and varied examples to support your points more robustly. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable. For instance, when mentioning overpopulation, you could reference specific countries or regions facing such issues.

task achievement

The introduction clearly outlines the writer's stance, which sets up the discussion well. This is a strong point for task achievement as it shows clarity in your position.

task achievement

The essay makes relevant points about the impact of increased life expectancy on overpopulation and the healthcare burden on families. These points are pertinent to the topic and demonstrate critical thinking.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion reiterates your main argument effectively, summarizing the key points discussed in the essay. This helps in tying the essay together well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
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Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and living expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantaged of this development outweigh disadvantages?

Your opinion

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better, alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.