One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and living expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantaged of this development outweigh disadvantages?
As the world is continuously modernising, that
also
brings forth the advancement of medication and results in the longevity of human beings. Many suggest that it is having a negative impact while
others say otherwise
. The writer of this
essay agrees with the former statement that a lengthened lifetime causes more harm than good.
It must be recognised that the longer individuals live the more crowded Earth will be. Death is like a way nature provides living space and future opportunities for the next generations. As a result
, longer life expectancy will lead to overpopulation which leads to other issues like insufficient resources, famine and epidemics because diseases can spread rapidly within a small amount of time and combined with overpopulation, it can start a global crisis. Additionally
, having a long life is not beneficial but more like suffering as the body is designed to degrade away with time so the immune systems will also
be less active. Accordingly
, the elders will be vulnerable to fatal diseases and inevitably be a burden to their families as their medical bills will accumulate and have a negative impact on the well-being of their families.
On the other hand
, longevity provides a means of happiness through creating more memorable moments with their acquaintance and family members. The sensation when observing the growth and maturity of our children is quite satisfying and it is even more pleasing to accompany them on their journey. In addition
, living a longer life will directly translate to acquiring more opportunities to pursue any dreams or goals. This
is especially true for the former generations as in their period prior to us were poor and unable to engage in their dreams until the present.
In conclusion, longevity does not necessarily translate to any detrimental effects but the benefits it provides still cannot outweigh the cons of it because it defies the law of nature and causes harm to both the world and ourselves.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure you address both sides of the argument more thoroughly. In this essay, you lean significantly towards the disadvantages but provide less emphasis on the potential advantages. Balancing the discussion would strengthen your argument and show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make transitions between paragraphs smoother. Use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas logically and make the essay flow more naturally. This will help the reader follow your line of reasoning more effectively.
task achievement
Use specific and varied examples to support your points more robustly. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable. For instance, when mentioning overpopulation, you could reference specific countries or regions facing such issues.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the writer's stance, which sets up the discussion well. This is a strong point for task achievement as it shows clarity in your position.
task achievement
The essay makes relevant points about the impact of increased life expectancy on overpopulation and the healthcare burden on families. These points are pertinent to the topic and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion reiterates your main argument effectively, summarizing the key points discussed in the essay. This helps in tying the essay together well.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?