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Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school?

#parents #organise #classes #children #school #weekends #education
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
children
’s
education
. Now people are beginning to realize the need to improve
children
's
education
. Personally, I tend to think that, in fact, it is better to be educated nowadays.
Firstly
, it is well known that many parents
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 their
children
 in extra classes. What I mean here is that nowadays being educated is very important and it is common for many
children
 to participate in the application. One of the main reasons behind
that is
 students are sitting on the phone
instead
 of paying attention to study and
education
. A good case in point is ourselves and teenagers.
On the other hand
, it can
also
 be argued that today's youth have absolutely no desire for
education
.
That is
 to say, I'm not wrong to say that all
children
 have poisoned brains and cannot get off their phones, they live in a virtual world. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that young people need
education
 very much, I believe that what parents are doing today is right.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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example
Integrate stronger, more relevant examples to support your points. While you've touched on the importance of education, concrete examples of the benefits of extra classes could strengthen your argument.
development
Balancing your essay by acknowledging contrasting viewpoints effectively improves its comprehensiveness. You've started doing this by discussing the concern of children spending too much time on phones, but more depth in exploring this contrast would enhance your argument's clarity and impact.
coherence
Clarify and develop your main points more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This practice helps in making your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
transition
Work on the transition and linkage between paragraphs. Utilizing phrases that indicate contrast, addition, or conclusion can create a smoother flow of ideas and enhance the reader's understanding of the text's structure.
position
You presented a clear stance on the topic, which is a good start for constructing a well-argued essay. Staying consistent with your viewpoint throughout the essay contributes to a coherent argument.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion provide a good framework for your argument, effectively setting up and then summarizing your main points. This practice aids in achieving a cohesive and structured essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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