Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?
A number of individuals believe that high achievements
is
the greatest way of measuring Change the verb form
are
intelligence
however
another group of people consider that intelligence
is able to be measured by using other techniques. In my view, intelligence
is not visible due to
your accomplishments but due to
the ways used to gain that success because you do not need to be smart to achieve something and to achive
something to be smart.
Correct your spelling
achieve
Firstly
, the mental capacity of
understanding is not represented by the amount of objects gained during a period of time but by the ability Change preposition
for
of obtaining
them by using a high Replace the preposition
to obtain
intelectual
technique. Correct your spelling
intellectual
For example
, Albert Einstein is well-known for his great intelectual
capacity Correct your spelling
intellectual
however
he is not among the rich
people in the world even if he won the Nobel Prize for physics.
Correct word choice
richest
Secondly
, intelligence
is not visible due to
the numerous material things gained by hard work but by those things obtained using only the mental capacity. For
example
Mark Zuckerberg is the person that succeeded in life just by using his Add a comma
example,
intelligence
. He managed to create Facebook without putting in too much physical effort.
Overall
, the treasure accomplished by using your brain represents intelligence
more then
the treasure achieved by putting in a lot of physical workReplace the word
than
Submitted by acaitaz on
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task achievement
While your thesis is clear, you have a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'high achievements is' should be 'high achievements are.' Try to proofread or use tools like Grammarly to help catch these small errors.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but try to develop them further. For instance, expand on how Einstein's intellectual work contrasts with material success.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, but transitions between paragraphs can be improved. Use more cohesive devices like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition' to make your argument flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could be stronger by restating the main points more clearly and succinctly. Try to emphasize the key message one more time to leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
You have a clear thesis statement that accurately reflects your viewpoint.
task achievement
The examples you chose, such as Albert Einstein and Mark Zuckerberg, are very relevant and help illustrate your points well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which bookends your essay nicely.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.