Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence

A number of individuals believe that high achievements

Change the verb form

are

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the greatest way of measuring

intelligence

however

another group of people consider that

intelligence

is able to be measured by using other techniques. In my view,

intelligence

is not visible

due to

your accomplishments but

due to

the ways used to gain that success because you do not need to be smart to achieve something and to

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

something to be smart.

Firstly

, the mental capacity

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for

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understanding is not represented by the amount of objects gained during a period of time but by the ability

of obtaining

Replace the preposition

to obtain

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them by using a high

intelectual

Correct your spelling

intellectual

technique.

For example

, Albert Einstein is well-known for his great

intelectual

Correct your spelling

intellectual

capacity

however

he is not among the

rich

Correct word choice

richest

show examples

people in the world even if he won the Nobel Prize for physics.

Secondly

intelligence

is not visible

due to

the numerous material things gained by hard work but by those things obtained using only the mental capacity.

For

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

Mark Zuckerberg is the person that succeeded in life just by using his

intelligence

. He managed to create Facebook without putting in too much physical effort.

Overall

, the treasure accomplished by using your brain represents

intelligence

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

the treasure achieved by putting in a lot of physical work

Submitted by acaitaz on Sun Jun 23 2024

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task achievement

While your thesis is clear, you have a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'high achievements is' should be 'high achievements are.' Try to proofread or use tools like Grammarly to help catch these small errors.

task achievement

Your examples are relevant but try to develop them further. For instance, expand on how Einstein's intellectual work contrasts with material success.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-organized, but transitions between paragraphs can be improved. Use more cohesive devices like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition' to make your argument flow more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion could be stronger by restating the main points more clearly and succinctly. Try to emphasize the key message one more time to leave a lasting impression.

task achievement

You have a clear thesis statement that accurately reflects your viewpoint.

task achievement

The examples you chose, such as Albert Einstein and Mark Zuckerberg, are very relevant and help illustrate your points well.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-structured, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which bookends your essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

211 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The best way to obtain/ the key to/ most important factor in job satisfaction is salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Best-way)

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

First impressions are important. Some people think that doing well in interviews is the key to securing a good job. To what extent do you agree?

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access.