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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Other however believe that there are other alternatives ways of reducing crime. Discuss your opinion?

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternatives
A number of
crime
 cases still become
massive
Add an article
a massive
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 concern for numerous
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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worldwide. Meanwhile, ongoing
arguing
Replace the word
arguments
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 regarding the best solution to reduce the scale of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 still exist nowadays. In my opinion, giving
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
show examples
 period to the perpetrator is not the best option for
this
 issue,
as well as
 there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various ways to accomplish
this
 problem. I believe that the most proper method to decline the
level
 of
crime
in
particular
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a particular
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 zone is providing the well services to the inhabitants
such
 as in
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 sector,
due to
 the fact,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 education
level
 of the locals
also
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 in the specific sectors,
such
 as corruption and robber.
For instance
, Finland has a major achievement in minimizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 through the government
that is
 capable to contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the high
level
 of public services particularly in education,
as a result
, the society has
good
Add an article
a good
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 point of view and
consider
Change the verb form
considers
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 that
crime
have
Change the verb form
has
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 harmful effect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their life. At the same time, social welfare
also
 plays a crucial role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
crime
 cases. As we know,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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in
Change preposition
of
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 the world especially
in develop
Change preposition
developed
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 tend
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 a huge
level
 of
violent
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violence
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, as
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 impact of the lack
capability
Change preposition
of capability
show examples
 to fulfil their necessary.
Therefore
, the government can be
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
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this
 issue by creating vocational training for the locals, so that they have good
capability
Fix the agreement mistake
capabilities
show examples
 in specific sectors and
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
to be
Verb problem
become
show examples
 professional
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 with good competence.
Consequently
, they have more occasion to produce an income
in
Change preposition
on
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giant
Correct article usage
a giant
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 scale, and they do not
ought
Verb problem
need
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 to be involved in
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activities to create financial assistance. In conclusion, There are numerous solutions for
this
 to lower the
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 in the middle of society as long as the government and the community can maximize their role.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion and briefly outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Frequent grammatical errors can make your writing harder to understand.
task achievement
Aim to expand on your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This can help to fully develop your ideas and arguments.
task achievement
Try to minimize repetition and redundancy in your essay. Use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to keep your writing engaging.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced discussion of different ways to reduce crime. This shows good task response.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outline and summarize your main points. This contributes to good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The use of an example from Finland to support your argument about education is effective and relevant.
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