IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Other however believe that there are other alternatives ways of reducing crime. Discuss your opinion?

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternatives
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A number of
crime
Use synonyms
 cases still become
massive
Add an article
a massive
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 concern for numerous
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide. Meanwhile, ongoing
arguing
Replace the word
arguments
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 regarding the best solution to reduce the scale of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 still exist nowadays. In my opinion, giving
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
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 period to the perpetrator is not the best option for
this
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 issue,
as well as
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 there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various ways to accomplish
this
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 problem. I believe that the most proper method to decline the
level
Use synonyms
 of
crime
Use synonyms
in
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particular
Add an article
a particular
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 zone is providing the well services to the inhabitants
such
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 as in
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 sector,
due to
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 the fact,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 education
level
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 of the locals
also
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contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 in the specific sectors,
such
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 as corruption and robber.
For instance
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, Finland has a major achievement in minimizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 through the government
that is
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 capable to contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the high
level
Use synonyms
 of public services particularly in education,
as a result
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, the society has
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 point of view and
consider
Change the verb form
considers
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 that
crime
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 harmful effect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their life. At the same time, social welfare
also
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 plays a crucial role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 cases. As we know,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 the world especially
in develop
Change preposition
developed
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 tend
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 a huge
level
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 of
violent
Replace the word
violence
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, as
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 impact of the lack
capability
Change preposition
of capability
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 to fulfil their necessary.
Therefore
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, the government can be
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 issue by creating vocational training for the locals, so that they have good
capability
Fix the agreement mistake
capabilities
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 in specific sectors and
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
to be
Verb problem
become
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 professional
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 with good competence.
Consequently
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, they have more occasion to produce an income
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
giant
Correct article usage
a giant
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 scale, and they do not
ought
Verb problem
need
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 to be involved in
Use synonyms
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activities to create financial assistance. In conclusion, There are numerous solutions for
this
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 to lower the
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 in the middle of society as long as the government and the community can maximize their role.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion and briefly outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Frequent grammatical errors can make your writing harder to understand.
task achievement
Aim to expand on your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This can help to fully develop your ideas and arguments.
task achievement
Try to minimize repetition and redundancy in your essay. Use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to keep your writing engaging.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced discussion of different ways to reduce crime. This shows good task response.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outline and summarize your main points. This contributes to good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The use of an example from Finland to support your argument about education is effective and relevant.
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