IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, the government should prioritize healthcare. Others say that there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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I totally agree that healthcare should be the priority regarding
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 spend
taxes
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, the money that
citizens
Use synonyms
 have paid regularly should be used to help
citizens
Use synonyms
 themselves. There are different groups of
people
Use synonyms
 in a country based on their financial status,
hence
Linking Words
taxes
Use synonyms
 act as a tool to substitute and help the poorer
citizens
Use synonyms
 through
government
Use synonyms
 regulations on
taxes
Use synonyms
. Public facilities are
also
Linking Words
 important
due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
's
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 in public
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
besides
Linking Words
 the urge to give
people
Use synonyms
 those facilities, health issue is a fundamental aspect to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 desires
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their security. Not many
people
Use synonyms
 can pay for the medical bills
due to
Linking Words
 the high rates of it.
Secondly
Linking Words
, providing
people
Use synonyms
 with good healthcare facilities would enhance
citizens
Use synonyms
' trust
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
Government
Use synonyms
 Institutions.
For example
Linking Words
 in Indonesia, a lot of medical issues
such
Linking Words
 as inadequate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health tools in
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor management lead to chaotic
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 in medical
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 refuse to pay their
taxes
Use synonyms
hence
Linking Words
 unsatisfied
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 happened before. There are a lot of bad cases related to poor management
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 that lead to negative impact
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 toward
Government
Use synonyms
 Institutions.
This
Linking Words
 condition
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a huge impact on how
people
Use synonyms
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to
questioning
Replace the word
question
show examples
 and decide to stop paying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taxes
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, a country with proper tools and good management experience very stable
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
hence
Linking Words
citizens
Use synonyms
' satisfaction. In conclusion, providing a good medical service will lead to a stable country because of
people
Use synonyms
's willingness to contribute
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 paying
taxes
Use synonyms
 because it already being
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
part of their needs.

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introduction conclusion present
Include a clear introduction that introduces the topic and outlines your argument. This gives the reader a roadmap of what to expect in your essay.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This not only clarifies your points but also makes your argument more persuasive.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-supported with evidence or examples. This will improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main points are clear and relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the issue.
supported main points
Effort was made to provide reasons and examples for the opinions stated, indicating an attempt to support the main points discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental role
  • overall well-being
  • productive and prosperous society
  • long-term government expenditure
  • preventing diseases
  • chronic conditions
  • balance healthcare spending
  • vital sectors
  • national development
  • overemphasis
  • budget deficits
  • insufficient funding
  • essential services
  • projects
  • balanced approach
  • adequate healthcare funding
  • technological advancements
  • environmental sustainability
  • comprehensive national development
  • meaningful balance
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