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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that importing movies and TV programmes from other countries is better for country . Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #movies #tv #programmes #countries #country
some
people
 prefer to Implement
television
 programmes and series from
countries
 other than the local country
while
 some
people
 argue about inserting
this
television
satellite
. in
this
 essay, I will explain both perspectives and express my opinion.
Firstly
, implementing these
television
 shows can contribute to improving the awareness of citizens.
Furthermore
, inserting these can assist in broadening the horizon knowledge of residents.
For instance
, a lot of
people
 learn their foreign language from watching these
television
satellites
. Some of these channels have a huge variety which could be delightful and interesting for some
people
besides
 learning about various cultures and religions.
Secondly
, some
people
 who advocate for local
television
 programmes believe other country
television
satellites
 could carry a variable on the mentality of society.
However
, the implementation of these programmes has great effects on the culture,
therefore
, some
countries
 prohibit the presence of these shows, alongside the impact on religions.
for example
, there are government laws in some
countries
 about restrictions on the insertion of these
satellites
 that can instil strange thoughts in the child and the society. In conclusion, I fully agree with the implementation of these
satellites
 from different
countries
. some
countries
 encourage the presence of
this
satellite
satellite
 because it can make a development in the way residents and children think and acquire different languages.
while
 some
countries
 banned of existence of
this
satellite
 which could cause changes in society's values and principles.
Submitted by rraghad.b on

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grammar
Ensure that you proofread your essay for grammatical errors and cohesiveness. There are several grammar issues, such as 'Implement' instead of 'implementing,' 'satellites' which is not clearly defined, and 'insertion of these satellites.'
content development
Develop your points further with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you mention learning a foreign language from TV shows but don't provide a specific example or a detailed explanation.
clarity
Focus on avoiding repetition and redundancy. For example, 'television satellites' and 'insertion of these satellites' seem repetitive and unclear. You could replace 'satellites' with 'programmes' or 'shows' for clarity.
organization
Organize the main points in a more structured way to improve the overall coherence. You have the arguments but they can be arranged better to show a clearer progression of ideas.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.
balanced presentation
You present both perspectives of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively and provides a comprehensive response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • economic benefits
  • cost-effective
  • extensive crew
  • expensive technology
  • importation and distribution sectors
  • diverse genres
  • storytelling techniques
  • healthy competition
  • talent recognition
  • collaborations
  • preserving local culture
  • promoting
  • employment opportunities
  • logistics
  • hospitality
  • equipment rental
  • national identity
  • pride
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • creative control
  • cultural nuances
  • societal norms
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