some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve mind, such as doing word puzzles or reading. Other feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The debate over how to
utulize
Correct your spelling
utilize
utilise
free
time
is an ongoing one,
while
some
people
believe in free
time
it is better to enhance cognitive ability by doing
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
,
for
instance
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying or playing, others argue that it should be reserved for relaxing the mind. I agree with the former
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
of utilizing free
time
. We have foreseen,all types of work
demands
Change the verb form
demand
show examples
either physical or mental
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
or both often.
As a result
,Individuals
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
mostly physically or mentally drained,
In addition
, body
ache
Fix the agreement mistake
aches
show examples
, burnout and work pressure could potentially be seen.
Furthermore
,
such
pressure can easily damage physical or mental health.
For
instance
, My friend
ram
Capitalize word
Ram
show examples
working as a surgeon even on
sundays
Change the capitalization
Sundays
show examples
and
saturdays
Change the capitalization
Saturdays
show examples
hardly gets
time
even for his basic personal
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activities
.In conclusion, because of the exhaustion and demanding nature of
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
do not prefer, to do any other activity in their spare
time
; they rather opt
for giving
Change preposition
to give
show examples
rest to their minds.
on the other hand
, some
people
do have less stressful jobs,
for
instance
,
for
instance
, Business owners who have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
working under them for them,
such
people
quite often find spare
time
as they have
mnagers
Correct your spelling
managers
to look after their work.
This
is to say, they could easily
engaged
Change the verb form
engage
show examples
themselves in sports or recreational
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
alone or with family.
For example
, My father after assigning duties to other members
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
travelling places in
free
Correct pronoun usage
his free
show examples
time
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to improve and stimulate his brain functioning. In conclusion, I believe if one does have
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
stressful
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
must choose to utilize, leisure
time
doing some
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
which
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, will improve his mind.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay more logically. Use separate paragraphs for each main point and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. For example, there's repetition in the phrase 'for instance, for instance.'
task achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant and meaningful to the point you are discussing. The example of the business owner isn't fully elaborated.
grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy. For example, 'utulize' should be 'utilize', 'mnagers' should be 'managers', and 'acitivity' should be 'activity.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the essay question, setting a clear scope for the discussion.
task achievement
You included specific examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
What to do next:
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