Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
More and more
people
think that young people
ought to balance their concentration on all subjects
. However
, others suppose that they should focus on their favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
subjects
. In my opinion, both views are considerable and it depends on the person himself.
On the one hand, it is believed by some people
that students
should study hard in all subjects
equally. In fact, if students
studied hard in all subjects
, they could enhance their abilities and their skills. Moreover
, those people
could achieve high scores in the exams, also
their families will be proud of them. A study published by King Saud University concluded that 88% of successful individuals were studying hard in all subjects
. As a result
, students
should give all subjects
what it worths
.
Replace the word
worth
On the other hand
, a proportion of people
suggest that teenagers have to focus on the subjects
that they find the most fascinating. Honestly, studying a subject that you enjoy at
is leading the student to be creative. Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, enjoyable subjects
could be the key to opt
your career in the future. Wrong verb form
opting for
For instance
, since I was a child, I have been exciting
Replace the word
excited
at
studying biology. Currently, I am a doctor Change preposition
about
due to
my best subject. Therefore
, if the student studied an enjoyable subject for him, he could introduce some creativities to assist the society.
In conclusion, it can be said that some members think that students
should spend their time and concentration on all subjects
equally. On other
side, other Correct article usage
the other
people
believe that teenagers have to focus on the subjects
that their performance is the best at.Submitted by moha.aleid2017 on
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Task Response
Your introduction does a good job of presenting both views. However, the thesis statement could be clearer to explicitly state your opinion and outline the essay structure.
Task Response
In the second paragraph, you've provided a general benefit of studying all subjects equally, but further specific examples or evidence would strengthen your point.
Task Response
The essay could benefit from fuller development of the argument for focusing on subjects that interest students, including more examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some of your sentences could be structured more clearly to enhance readability. For instance, 'A study published by King Saud University concluded that 88% of successful individuals were studying hard in all subjects.' could be rephrased for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is linked with appropriate transition sentences for improved flow. A sentence linking the introduction to the first body paragraph would be beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay well with clear body paragraphs to discuss both views.
Task Response
The use of personal experience and studies helps to illustrate your points effectively.
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