IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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More and more
people
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 think that young
people
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 ought to balance their concentration on all
subjects
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.
However
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, others suppose that they should focus on their
favorite
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favourite
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subjects
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. In my opinion, both views are considerable and it depends on the person himself. On the one hand, it is believed by some
people
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 that
students
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 should study hard in all
subjects
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 equally. In fact, if
students
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 studied hard in all
subjects
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, they could enhance their abilities and their skills.
Moreover
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, those
people
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 could achieve high scores in the exams,
also
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 their families will be proud of them. A study published by King Saud University concluded that 88% of successful individuals were studying hard in all
subjects
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.
As a result
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,
students
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 should give all
subjects
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 what it
worths
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worth
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.
On the other hand
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, a proportion of
people
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 suggest that teenagers have to focus on the
subjects
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 that they find the most fascinating. Honestly, studying a subject that you enjoy
at
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apply
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is leading the student to be creative.
Furthermore
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, enjoyable
subjects
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 could be the key to
opt
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opting for
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 your career in the future.
For instance
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, since I was a child, I have been
exciting
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excited
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at
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about
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 studying biology. Currently, I am a doctor
due to
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 my best subject.
Therefore
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, if the student studied an enjoyable subject for him, he could introduce some creativities to assist the society. In conclusion, it can be said that some members think that
students
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 should spend their time and concentration on all
subjects
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 equally. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 side, other
people
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 believe that teenagers have to focus on the
subjects
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 that their performance is the best at.

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Task Response
Your introduction does a good job of presenting both views. However, the thesis statement could be clearer to explicitly state your opinion and outline the essay structure.
Task Response
In the second paragraph, you've provided a general benefit of studying all subjects equally, but further specific examples or evidence would strengthen your point.
Task Response
The essay could benefit from fuller development of the argument for focusing on subjects that interest students, including more examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some of your sentences could be structured more clearly to enhance readability. For instance, 'A study published by King Saud University concluded that 88% of successful individuals were studying hard in all subjects.' could be rephrased for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is linked with appropriate transition sentences for improved flow. A sentence linking the introduction to the first body paragraph would be beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay well with clear body paragraphs to discuss both views.
Task Response
The use of personal experience and studies helps to illustrate your points effectively.
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