Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society?

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Throughout the ages, living in an ideal

society

Use synonyms

has been a dream for individuals,

although

Linking Words

there has been no agreement that what the perfect

society

Use synonyms

would be like. I think to make

this

Linking Words

society

Use synonyms

justice

Use synonyms

is the most important element, and very important actions should be taken by

people

Use synonyms

to establish it. Several factors can be contributed to making a perfect

society

Use synonyms

but

justice

Use synonyms

is the most important of them.

Justice

Use synonyms

is a comprehensive topic that can refer to various areas

such

Linking Words

as economic, political, and social,

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

by implementing it,

people

Use synonyms

would have equal rights. The rights of free education or free use of facilities

such

Linking Words

as healthcare, regardless of social level can be examples of

this

Linking Words

equality. All

people

Use synonyms

should be able to express their opinions and beliefs freely without fear of discrimination or persecution. When it comes to Economic

justice

Use synonyms

, it commands each person can have a fair contribution from national income.

This

Linking Words

means that the haves and have-nots would be distributed

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

according to

Linking Words

their wealth, in fact not at the same size.

As a result

Linking Words

, all

people

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would be financially equal and poverty would no longer exist. In order to achieve a perfect

society

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, actions should be taken by each person. First of all,

people

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should accept having

such

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society

Use synonyms

and the difficulties of achieving it. To reach it, they should increase their tolerance and prioritize the benefits of others over their own.

This

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may be one of the major difficulties that has never allowed a perfect

society

Use synonyms

to make. If the rich provide facilities not only for the basic needs of the poor but

also

Linking Words

for their higher-level? needs, the foundation of an ideal

society

Use synonyms

will be established.

In addition

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, tolerating opposite opinions in order to have freedom of expression is another thing

people

Use synonyms

should do. Many

people

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exhibit a strong emotional reaction when hear an opposite belief. Patience and tolerance are requirements to make

such

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society

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. In conclusion,

although

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throughout history a perfect

society

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has never been made because of the lack of an agreement that what it looks like, I think it can be established by implementing

justice

Use synonyms

in each area

such

Linking Words

economy and

people

Use synonyms

should increase their tolerance and accept fair shares of national income.

hg1984Mon Jun 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-structured and well-argued. However, consider making your introduction more succinct and distinctly outlining the main points within the introduction.

task achievement

Ensure you include specific examples to bolster your arguments. This can be achieved by drawing on real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives the essay a well-rounded feel.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task well, discussing what makes a perfect society and how to achieve it, with justice as the central theme.

coherence cohesion

Your arguments are logically structured and clearly presented, making the reading process smooth.

task achievement

You maintain a clear and comprehensive exploration of ideas, which makes your key points easy to understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

7.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

376 words

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Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the edvantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage from using their cars?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.