Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society?
Throughout the ages, living in an ideal
society
has been a dream for individuals, although
there has been no agreement that what the perfect society
would be like. I think to make this
society
, justice
is the most important element, and very important actions should be taken by people
to establish it.
Several factors can be contributed to making a perfect society
but justice
is the most important of them. Justice
is a comprehensive topic that can refer to various areas such
as economic, political, and social, which
by implementing it, Correct word choice
and
people
would have equal rights. The rights of free education or free use of facilities such
as healthcare, regardless of social level can be examples of this
equality. All people
should be able to express their opinions and beliefs freely without fear of discrimination or persecution. When it comes to Economic justice
, it commands each person can have a fair contribution from national income. This
means that the haves and have-nots would be distributed it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
according to
their wealth, in fact not at the same size. As a result
, all people
would be financially equal and poverty would no longer exist.
In order to achieve a perfect society
, actions should be taken by each person. First of all, people
should accept having such
a society
and the difficulties of achieving it. To reach it, they should increase their tolerance and prioritize the benefits of others over their own. This
may be one of the major difficulties that has never allowed a perfect society
to make. If the rich provide facilities not only for the basic needs of the poor but also
for their higher-level? needs, the foundation of an ideal society
will be established. In addition
, tolerating opposite opinions in order to have freedom of expression is another thing people
should do. Many people
exhibit a strong emotional reaction when hear an opposite belief. Patience and tolerance are requirements to make such
a society
.
In conclusion, although
throughout history a perfect society
has never been made because of the lack of an agreement that what it looks like, I think it can be established by implementing justice
in each area such
economy and people
should increase their tolerance and accept fair shares of national income.Submitted by hg1984 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and well-argued. However, consider making your introduction more succinct and distinctly outlining the main points within the introduction.
task achievement
Ensure you include specific examples to bolster your arguments. This can be achieved by drawing on real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives the essay a well-rounded feel.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well, discussing what makes a perfect society and how to achieve it, with justice as the central theme.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are logically structured and clearly presented, making the reading process smooth.
task achievement
You maintain a clear and comprehensive exploration of ideas, which makes your key points easy to understand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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