IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#countries #government #prioritises #growth #concerns
In many nations,
governments
 put more focus on improving their economies than improving other sectors.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 residents’ earnings will increase, I personally believe that the main drawback outweighs the main benefit as
this
 will cause environmental
pollution
. The main benefit of prioritising economic growth rather than other issues by
governments
 is that people will earn higher
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
.
This
 is because
governments
 will support companies to run their businesses more effectively.
As a result
, companies will gain more profits and consequentially pay their employees bigger bonuses or higher wages.
For instance
, In China, businesses make huge revenue
due to
 its strong economy.
Therefore
, Chinese citizens are paid higher and can spend money on
luxuary
Correct your spelling
luxury
 products and travelling abroad.
However
, I personally believe that earning more money cannot offset
pollution
 problems that happen after economic growth prioritisation. The primary downside of putting more focus on economic development than other concerns by
governments
 is that
Correct article usage
the environments
show examples
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
 will be polluted.
This
 is because there will be far more new-built factories
for supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
 the economic expansion. Without ecological concerns, the air will be polluted
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 carbon dioxide and fumes which are emitted from these factories, and rivers will be polluted by industrial sewage from manufacturing and chemical processes.
For example
, Beijing, China, is facing a hazardous level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollution
 caused by fuel burning and chemical reactions from industrial areas. As a clean environment is extremely vital for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
human life, I
therefore
 think that the main drawback outweighs its key benefit.
To conclude
,
although
 people will earn higher income if the government prioritises the economic sector rather than other sectors, the serious
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
pollution
 problems far
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, try to delve deeper into each point to add more depth and variety to your arguments. This will give a more complete picture of the issue being discussed.
relevant specific examples
Include a wider range of relevant and specific examples to further substantiate your points. Examples from different countries or situations can add more credibility and richness to your essay.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, which helps in presenting a well-rounded argument.
supported main points
Your main points are generally well-supported, making your arguments coherent and persuasive.
complete response
You have fully addressed the prompt, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of prioritising economic growth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: