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Band 4.5

Sme people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#sme #people #lives #reason
Some people believe that most of them prefer to spend their lives living close to where they were born for several reasons.
This
 issue has advantages and disadvantages aspects. In
this
 essay, I will shed light on the two sides of living close to where they were born. On the one hand, some people argue that living
in
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apply
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where they
born
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were born
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 has many benefits. Feeling safe is a significant advantage. Most
of
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sons and daughters need their parents around them when they married to feel more safe and comfortable.
For example
, if someone
face
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faces
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 any problem, they will go to their parents easily .
According to
 the new survey, " Parents are home of their children in
anytime
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any time
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 if they children are younger. They are the best point of
safty
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safety
". The second advantage is a better place for their kids".
For instance
, your daughter has been working, she
prefer
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prefers
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 to put their kids with her mother because she
feel
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feels
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 their kids
in
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are in
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 a safe environment. What is more, she will not spend a lot of money in
a
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the
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 wrong place.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages of living near
there
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where
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 were they born. The first drawback is working far
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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 they were born.
Thus
, most of them prefer to live near where they are working to reduce the distance and save time. What is more, they feel uncomfortable when they take a long time to reach their workplace.
Moreover
, the opportunity
of
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to
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 work in other
place
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places
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 is an important factor. It is the second disadvantage. Nowadays ,
the
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apply
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live
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life
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is
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are
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 changing and most
of
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families
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the families
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 prefer to live in places
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where that
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that
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the
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 chance of finding jobs is
raising
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rising
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. They need to develop their skills and get
better
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a better
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 lifestyle. In conclusion, no one can deny that
this
 issue has two sides: advantages and disadvantages. Most
of
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people prefer to choose what is
a
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apply
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suitable for them to live a better lifestyle in future.
Submitted by almeem on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, try using more transition words to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to understand your points.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points by adding more details and specific examples. This will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living close to where one was born. This shows a complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Community ties
  • Economic constraints
  • Multigenerational housing
  • Cultural norms
  • Sense of belonging
  • Social circle
  • Long-term friendships
  • Proximity
  • Hesitance
  • Relocate
  • Local culture
What to do next:
Look at other essays: