IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

People today often use the internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to those countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged that more and more individuals prefer to acquire cultural knowledge of other countries through social media, decreasing a desire for adventure and observing in practice those areas. In my opinion, the primary source of
this
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 phenomenon is the financial condition of the community rather than the advent of new technologies. With the immense extension of accessibility of high-tech technologies, people significantly integrated the use of the internet into their lives.
Furthermore
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, it gave the opportunity to easily learn about diverse cultures from suburban areas and far-flung corners of the world with just a click of a button.
For instance
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, in Kazan, the number of the population interested in virtual tourism increased dramatically over the
last
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 decade, representing 30% of the market, triggering other entrepreneurs to launch a similar business.
In addition
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, tourist firms with traditional packages experienced a market reduction, and 20% of them ultimately collapsed.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion, a majority of drawbacks could be linked to the people’s prosperity, financial instability, and low wages.
For example
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, in Moscow,
according to
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 the statistics, 45% of citizens cannot afford overseas travel during the
last
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 2 decades, having been discouraged by lower family revenues.
Subsequently
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, most folks prefer to discover new cultures and countries by watching descriptive videos from social media like Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. Even though visiting in person your desired destinations is more efficient in terms of acquiring more cultural and local details, financial circumstances could play a key role and become the primary disadvantage. In conclusion,
while
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 web applications can benefit people by reaching various locations throughout the internet for free, travelling to those places yourself is still the most effective way of learning about new cultures.
However
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, tourists’ wealth conditions could play a vital role in covering their expenses.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea to maintain coherence throughout. For example, avoid blending technological accessibility and financial instability in one paragraph.
Task Achievement
Elaborate more on how financial constraints affect people's ability to travel and how this impacts their cultural understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
Main points are clearly presented and supported with relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure is generally easy to follow, with each paragraph focusing on specific aspects of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • virtual tours
  • biases
  • authenticity
  • cuisine
  • perpetuate
  • sustainable tourism
  • misinterpretations
  • personal relationships
  • language acquisition
  • social media platforms
  • information accessibility
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