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Band 2

In many cities an increasing number of people do not know their neighbours and there is a lack of sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

#cities #people #neighbours #lack #sense #community
In the
last
 few
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 we witnessed an increase in the number of
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are introverts or diagnosed
by
Change preposition
with
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 autism, in my point of view, I suppose the entry of technological devices had a significant effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
's lives. First of all, the main reason that a lack of sense in the community
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 most
people
 started to be unsocial or introverts,
this
 is because after technology came out a lot of
people
 got
additcted
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to it that they don't want to make new relationships or contribute to the community, introverts feel happy to have only one friend which is their cellphones or PlayStation.
Furthermore
,
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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task achievement
Try to address all parts of the question. You started well by mentioning a cause but didn't explore it fully. Also, provide a solution as asked in the prompt.
task achievement
Ensure clarity and completeness of ideas. Expand on the points mentioned and make your arguments more comprehensive.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. It adds credibility and makes your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Create a clearer and more organized structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows logically from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overgeneralizations. While technology has an effect, not all introverts or individuals with autism avoid social interactions solely due to technological devices.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, which is good for setting the context of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt to explore the reasons behind the issue, introducing technology's role in social behavior.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Population movement
  • Diverse communities
  • Busy lifestyles
  • Long working hours
  • Digital communities
  • Personal security concerns
  • Architectural designs
  • City planning
  • Natural meet and interact
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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