Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #performances

Countries

are spending a significant amount of their budget on holding

sports

and

art

events currently, in my

opinion

Add the comma(s)

opinion,

show examples

it would be better to lead

this

money to educational facilities for youngsters. I will mention the reasons in

this

essay. I believe that children are the most important factor for a country's future,

therefore

, if they have a high-quality educational system, these individuals will be more beneficial later on.

Also

by developing

art

and

sports

programs in schools, pupils will foster their creativity and teamwork. Investing in education can lead to the discovery of young talent, which would be useful for

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

too.

Additionally

, focusing on school-level development can promote a healthier lifestyle among students.

For example

, it can reduce the amount of obesity and mental health problems.

On the other hand

, social communities are benefiting from professional performance and

sports

in different ways

such

as some popular

art

gatherings, seminars, and

sports

races. It brings lots of

tourisms

Fix the agreement mistake

tourism

show examples

countries

and

increase

Change the verb form

increases

show examples

the wealth of host

countries

. Supporting them

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

other aims too like bringing pride

for

Change preposition

show examples

countries

and making them famous all around the world. I think people benefit from

this

gathering by being a part of the community. In conclusion,

while

it would be important and beneficial for governments to have arts and

sports

exhibitions, it would be more effective for them to use their funds to teach them to the young generation. The future of

art

and

sports

really depends on an individual's education.

Submitted by ostorr7213 on Mon Jun 24 2024

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task achievement

Consider using more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific programs, studies, or reforms that could benefit from increased funding would make your points more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all body paragraphs have clear topic sentences that directly reinforce the thesis statement. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction does a solid job at presenting your stance on the topic and setting up the argument.

logical structure

The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphs and a logical structure.

clear comprehensive ideas

You provide a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your response.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

248 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Foster a sense of creativity and teamwork
Well-rounded individuals
Discovery of young talent
Nurtured to achieve greater success
Social or economic background
Access to quality education
Healthier lifestyle
Obesity and mental health problems
National pride and cultural appreciation
Showcasing the country’s talent
Generate revenue
Tourism and media coverage
Societal well-being

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Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

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Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.