In many countries, people are now living longer than before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages
In recent years, a
lot
of individuals Use synonyms
prefer
live Add the particle
prefer to
more
longer. In my mind, all Change the word
apply
people
Use synonyms
willing
to live a Add a missing verb
are willing
lot
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, old Linking Words
people
becoming more and more. Use synonyms
Although
, Linking Words
youngs
and children Correct your spelling
young
also
being a little. Linking Words
Furthermore
, there are some children and teenagers and they are not more than adults. It is Linking Words
one
example Use synonyms
to
these issues.
On the Change preposition
of
one
hand, there are several benefits of long life. The first merit of it is considered to be that humans always become Use synonyms
intelligent
than Correct quantifier usage
more intelligent
youngs
. Correct your spelling
young
For instance
, they can be Linking Words
example
for a Fix the agreement mistake
examples
lot
of individuals. And again, there are other things. Use synonyms
This
is financial needs. If Linking Words
mother
and father like Correct article usage
the mother
a
parents work Correct article usage
apply
in
anywhere, adults can glance Change preposition
apply
to
Change preposition
at
youngs
. Correct your spelling
young
That is
because elderly persons become cleaver than Linking Words
anothers
.
Correct your spelling
others
On the other hand
, despite Linking Words
mentioned
positives, lots of elderly humans Replace the word
the above-mentioned
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
Use synonyms
problem
Add an article
a problem
to
anybody. Change preposition
for
For instance
, they Linking Words
are
might be ill after see Unnecessary verb
apply
became
Wrong verb form
become
more old
. Correct word choice
older
By
Change preposition
For
this
reason, some Linking Words
people
should Use synonyms
action
for them. It becomes Replace the word
act
Use synonyms
problem
. Add an article
a problem
One
of the major disadvantages of it is that old persons a big Use synonyms
problem
for anybody in my mind. It is opinions. Another important demerit is that they always want to do anything and they say about these actions. They can notUse synonyms
a
Add a missing verb
do a
lot
of difficult things and Use synonyms
works
. Correct subject-verb agreement
work
Also
, it is Linking Words
one
issue.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
these sentences, adults are becoming a big Linking Words
problem
for anybody. Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, some Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
against
Add a missing verb
are against
to
Change preposition
apply
this
ideology. Linking Words
While
long life can offer several positives, there Linking Words
maybe
some drawbacks too. From my personal point of view, Correct your spelling
may be
advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
will outweigh the disadvantages.Linking Words
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
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task response
Your essay has areas that need improvement. To better your Task Response score, aim to have a clearer and more focused thesis in your introduction. Also, back up your main points with specific examples and elaborate more on your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs with clear transitions between ideas. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Additionally, consider structuring your argument more clearly and systematically so that it is easy for the reader to follow your points.
language
On the language front, focus on using more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately. Be mindful of grammatical issues and make sure to proofread your essay to correct these errors.
understanding
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and provided both positives and negatives of an aging population.
conclusion
Your conclusion reflects your opinion clearly and sums up the arguments, which is an essential component of a good essay.