IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries people are now living longer than over before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benifits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #benifits #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Other the
last
 few years,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of individuals who
living
Wrong verb form
have lived
show examples
 longer than ago
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 the birth rate among
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 population.
Although
 there are several advantages of older inhabitants, it can have some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 as well. I believe that
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 sides of
this
 can outweigh the
negatices
Correct your spelling
negatives
. On the one hand, there are several benefits
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 elderly
dewellers
Correct your spelling
dwellers
. The first merit of it is considered to be that older have a variety
experiences
Change preposition
of experiences
show examples
 than younger
person's
Change noun form
people
show examples
,
that is
help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Young's development.
For instance
, have the most opportunities to achieve
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
aim
Fix the agreement mistake
aims
show examples
,
therefore
, old people come into their achievements. Another positive aspect is thought to be that they can work with their real-life skills. Despite
such
 persons
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
pensioner
Fix the agreement mistake
pensioners
show examples
, they work hard with
inthusiasm
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
.
That is
 because
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 lively humans always help to reform
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public business.
Besides
, older developers are role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 to new businessmen and generations.
On the other hand
, despite
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 positives, there are some negative sides for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. One of the major disadvantages of it is that generations will be
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
, if leaving longer get to more skills.
For example
, young workers don't achieve
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 jobs because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
Correct quantifier usage
number of retireds
show examples
retireds
Correct your spelling
retirees
retired
retires
 among
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world.
Mother
Change noun form
Mother's
show examples
 important demerit is that
run
Wrong verb form
runs
show examples
 over the number of
pensioner
Change to a plural noun
pensioners
show examples
 in the public.
This
 is because ageing angel dolls bring some damage to the exchequer.
As a result
,
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 will be dependent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other countries. In conclusion, elderly habitants can offer several positives okay I'm going to call the, there may be some drawbacks too. From my personal point of view,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
 will outweigh the disadvantages
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The essay needs a clearer logical structure. Improve the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas. For instance, link the advantages and disadvantages more coherently by using phrases such as "Despite these advantages, there are also notable drawbacks."
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. When discussing advantages and disadvantages, clearly state each point and elaborate on it with specific examples or explanations.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, in discussing the impact on the job market, provide data or real-world examples to illustrate the issue more vividly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
You have made an effort to draw a conclusion that states your standpoint clearly, which adds value to the overall task response.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: